Confessions of a diva

Turning a new leaf...

2009-10-26T08:15:00.000-07:00

Hey, I'm back in jolly ol' Malaysia and haven't been updating this blog for ages! yeah, I know! My fans (if I can call them that...) have been asking me gavillion times to update this blog. The main reason I started this blog was to let my family members & good friends know what is going on with my life while I was in KSA. Now that I am back here.... don't see the need to do so......

Will start a new blog soon with less about me & more about other stuff....

Is it that time of the year already?

2009-08-25T10:02:00.000-07:00

The prayer room in Frankfurt Airport

Nope, it's not tax payment. 2 occasions actually. Ramadhan and my birthday. One occasion is highly anticipated but the other one deserves to be abolished! Can you guess which one is my least fave occasion? I'm sure you would have known which one. If not, then you must've been living in a cave with no internet connection!

I read somewhere that you need to face your worst fears, stare 'em in the eyes and kick 'em in the balls real hard. Well, it ain't that easy once you have actually given up the struggle to fight. Like yours truly....I have simply given up on struggling with the fact that I am advancing another year. More like embracing the fact that I am not going to be able to stop time or stop people from asking me the eternally repeated question "When are you going to get married?"

Firstly, let's talk about aging gracefully.....Yes, let's talk about my birthday. I wanted to 'embrace' my age and hence the need to actually celebrate it in a grown-up manner befitting a professional single lady. So, I wanted to have a birthday party. Not only do my birthday party invite only 10 of my closest friends and acquaintances, it also 'invites' snide comments from certain individuals. Again, since I am already in this positive mood for a party, I just ignored those catty comments.

I am still going to have a small gathering of friends but it will be a very private one and most probably not everyone will come since it is Ramadhan and even I would rather go to 'tarawih' prayers. Still, it is in the works and insyallah if God permits, I will post it in this blog.

Now, about the second part....you'll just have to wait for another entry! I'm going to sleep now!

2009-06-29T12:57:00.000-07:00

Me & N from Jamaica!

Ahhh...it's that time of year again....summer hols! I just got my flight tix in my hands and I'm supposed to be happy, right? Wrong! I was happy for a few hours until I went to visit my quran teacher for the final time. I felt I have disappointed her and I have wanted so much to make her proud of me. She wanted to throw a big party for her students who will finish the quran but I guess I have to disappointed her....I felt upset with the fact that I just couldn't overcome certain feelings about certain people who became a hindrance to my achievements. Anyway, it's all over now...I will definitely miss my quran teacher and pray to Allah to bless her in her life.

On another note I will also miss my fave librarian, N. She is from Jamaica and a super cool lady. We've gone through so much during our stay and learned so many things about people and situations. I hope that one day our paths will cross.

I'm gonna miss you

2009-06-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

I'm surely gonna miss you.....
When I'm no longer near
Your beautiful singing voice I can't hear

When I see you
I'm at peace
The love overflows with ease

Sitting near you
Like you're my best friend
I think of home
I think of happiness
And wish it would never end

The first time I hugged you
I cried
You hugged me so deep,
So forgiving
I even see you in my sleep

So here's farewell but not goodbye
One day we will meet again
By Allah's grace and 'barakah'
The beautiful and peaceful
Baitullah Makkah Al-Mukarramah

Jalan-jalan cari makan

2009-06-12T02:12:00.000-07:00

Me, Azla & Esah at Al Fana Restaurant in Dammam. Overly decorated restaurant....

It was a boring weekend in Dammam. A bus load of people who are undecided about where to go. Finally, we only went to Hayat Plaza, a large souq area catering especially for women clothes & stuff and then to Shatea Mall, another shopping mall. Didn't buy anything coz was too tired and hungry. I remembered one of my students telling me about a restaurant next to the mall. Went to the restaurant and had some food. It was okay. The make really nice ikan goreng....which of course, to my friend Esah isn't her fave.

Melancholic mood....

2009-06-10T22:57:00.000-07:00

Another 4 weeks to go.....*sigh*.

I'm still reflecting.....

A little sad....

More feelings of gladness.....

A little fear but I know Allah is with me in my decisions.....

Today I'm off to Dammam city for sight seeing. I still have exam questions to make but I'm so un inspired....

Exciting week?

2009-06-05T06:39:00.000-07:00

Alhamdulillah my hardworking undergrad students managed to finish they presentation and project week. They surprised me with a tribute to one of my lectures about "borrowed language". They have been exceptionally hardworking and creative in setting up booths on the influence of other languages to the vocabulary of the English language. France had an Eiffel Tower made entirely of chocolates! A bunch of students presenting Arabic influence by having a mini tent complete with camel chairs and carpeting. The booth about Italian language had someone playing a mini piano (because the word 'piano' was originally from Italian). The girls presenting Indian culture gave away glass bangles and anklets while there was a small booth of students with a mini library where people can have a seat and drink coffee and biscuits while browsing a selection of books. (sorry no pix of the project week....not allowed lah)

Busy week with exams and presentations, meaningless meetings, annoying bitchy people with ignorant remarks and super 'dengki' colleagues....What could be more exciting?

Penat layan perangai orang. Gimme my 3 weeks in Europe!!!!!!!

How about you? Did you have an exciting week?

Rombongan Cik Kiah dengan Kak Esah!

2009-05-22T10:03:00.000-07:00

Once or twice a month we go to Al Khobar, a city in the Eastern region of KSA just for shopping, sightseeing and restaurant reviews (read: melantak!). On this numerous trips, we would go as a group on our college bus and split up with our own cliques to do our own stuff. There are some Filipino ladies who like to buy gold jewellery so they will go to an area called Alissa souq. While others enjoy to shop till they drop in the malls that we have now known like the back of our hands. I can even navigate myself inside the malls blindfolded!

On these trips we usually have an organiser who will tell us about the pick up times of the bus and make sure everyone gets on the bus and none were left. Just like a "mak ayam" where the little chicks might lose their way, our organiser or what I like to call "Khobar Queen". Currently there are 2 Khobar Queens but this weekend I went out with our former queen, Kak Esah.

Kak Esah is no longer our queen since she moved out of the compound and stayed with her parents who came in from Pakistan. I missed her so much on the trips that I always invite her to join our little "rombongan Cik Kiah" to Khobar. Yesterday we had so much fun on the bus as she is a hilarious person and have a bubbly personality. So we spent some time having breakfast and shopping at Carrefour and basically window shopping most of the time coz the summer sale isn't on yet.

Later, while walking in the busy area of Alissa souq, Esah complained that her feet is hurting her. But I told her I am willing to carry her in order for us to reach the Thai restaurant we were destined to go to. She thought I wasn't serious so I demonstrated it to her! She was so shocked that I was able to lift her up coz she ain't a petite girl! We cracked up laughing by the roadside and she told me that the pain is gone and we can resume walking. She also told me later on the bus that she was embarrased that people were looking at us and we really looked silly joking around by the roadside! I told her she should believe me next time!

Before she left with her driver, Esah told me she will miss me when I finish my contract soon. I will miss her too and her antics!

Thursday Therapy

2009-05-14T05:39:00.000-07:00

The compound area on a bright & sunny morning....
Quiet, depressing and death-like....

Post on Thursday......

Yesterday was so not my day! I felt stressed out the entire day! Frizzled, frazzled and absolutely annoyed! It didn't help to have a bad hair day too! Where can I get a decent salon-styled professional hair treatment and trim here in the bloody desert? Ugh! If you're stressed, it doesn't help when you notice that you're "fugly"(f**king ugly!) Please excuse my French!

Let's not get into specifics. Suffice to tell you that I was so not in the mood for anything! I was actually having one of those days that I don't wanna go to work. Not because of 'malas' or tired, but more towards 'takde hati' or burnt out!

So, today I'm taking it easy.

Post on Friday......

Today I managed to finish some work. Cleaned up my room. Made cekodok pisang for brekkie after I found a sad & soggy looking banana in my fridge. Made nasi goreng daging for dinner & tomorrow's lunch. Watched Project Runway season 4 on you tube. Listened to some music online and felt a little normal. Did some yoga & then cardio on the treadmill. Called home because I had a dream of my bro, Amir. Hope he's feeling better by now. And also coz I'm kinda homesick.....

Emotions today...much better than yesterday. Read this book titled "Don't sweat the small stuff" kinda like a self-help book about being positive and all that crap.....It's not that I don't believe it, I'm just getting tired and I need a break.....A really long break.....Can't wait for July......Another 8 weeks to go.....

Of sushi, sarongs and false impressions!

2009-05-08T00:35:00.000-07:00

About to launch into the sushi when my friends stopped me in time for a photo shoot!

Delightful prawn 'maki'!

An assortment of sushi...

Nabilla, this is the 'kim-chi' (pickled spicy cabbage) I ate as a tribute to you!

Itadakimasu! That's how the Japanese would say before they start eating. Kinda like thanking God for the food they are about to eat. I had a nice dinner at this Japanese / Korean / Chinese restaurant called Silver Tower last Wednesday. Since I haven't eaten Japanese food for quite some time, I was looking forward to this exotic gastronomic experience.

One of my colleague has eaten here and she recommended the restaurant which serves Chinese, Japanese and Korean food. I miss eating sushi & I used to make 'em last Ramadhan. So, the three of us decided to have a go at that restaurant. The driver, Mr AA (Mr J's younger brother), took us to a different restaurant and thought it was the one we were looking for. I had to make a call to the colleague to figure out the directions to the restaurant.

When we got to the right place, the restaurant doors were still closed and there was a 'Chinese-looking' man standing near the entrance wearing a shirt and a 'sarong' (kain pelikat)! The other two ladies eyed him suspiciously as we approached the entrance. One of the ladies exclaimed, rather loudly, "Oh no! The doors are still closed. The restaurant is not open yet!" The man said something to her that sounded like "The restaurant is open", but my friend just ignored him.

The man looked at me and smiled and at that moment, I had a feeling that..... he must be the owner of that restaurant! I used to work in a high-end menswear boutique on the 'Prestige' floor of Starhill Centre and discover that the more shabbily dressed the person, the richer they are. I noticed they seem to be 'over-shabby' in their effort to conceal their wealth, thus looking too obvious in their 'shabby-chic' outfit. Kinda like wearing a Lacoste t-shirt combined with 'pasar malam' jeans!

Back to the guy, who was wearing, I'm sure, a white, pin-striped either Armani or Yves Saint Laurent shirt and his sarong (maybe his sarong is also a designer wear....hmmmm, I wonder.....). He offered to press some hidden doorbell near the entrance which was covered in adorable green wall-creeping plants. Hey, presto! A waiter came to open the doors.

The other two ladies just walked in and I turned to the man thanking him and asked him, "What time does the restaurant open?" He said, "5 p.m." I looked at my watch and it was only 4.15 p.m. I asked him again, "Are you sure it is open?" The guy just smiled again and said "For you ladies, we open especially early today." Now he is being bloody charming which confirms my suspicion that the sarong guy is the owner. Charm in a sarong!

When we got inside, I told the other two ladies of my suspicion, but they brushed it off as an impossibility! So, I asked the waiter who was that guy standing outside? He told us "Oh, he is the owner of this restaurant. He is Korean." My friends started laughing and told the waiter that we apologise for not recognising him. After ordering our food, the waiter came and gave us complimentary appetisers and desserts "on the house" courtesy of the restaurant owner. We didn't see the sarong-clad owner after our meal as the restaurant suddenly filled up with crowds of people coming in for dinner. It sure showed us some perspective of how we look at others and how some perceptions could be false based on first impressions.

False impressions. Has it ever happened to you?

Bahrain trip

2009-05-01T04:26:00.000-07:00

I was in Bahrain for just 2 days to chill out with another 2 of my colleagues. It was a relaxing 2 days filled with sightseeing, mall hopping, movie watching & restaurant reviews (makan!). Nothing much to report though....

Pix could not be uploaded due to error on the blogger dashboard.....! Will try again later.....

Weekend of bumming around...

2009-04-22T09:42:00.000-07:00

I know this looks silly. I just can't help myself. 5 tahun pun tak habis minum kopi ni...
(photo taken during arts & culture fest, I'm standing next to a giant replica of a traditional coffee pot)

I went to an art & culture fest 2 nights ago. It was fun in a very sedated way. Kinda like going to Amcorp Mall on a weekday (it's not super exciting & nothing much to see). Just walked around, took this photo, didn't take other photos since its not worth whipping out your camera anyway.

Times like this I really miss my own country. I miss seeing stuff and friendly people's faces. I miss the warm & humid weather and food everywhere.....Sometimes when I think too hard about stuff about Malaysia, my mind can actually go blank. I felt like I have lost the memory of how places look like in Malaysia! Yes, it's kinda freaky but our mind can sometimes go blank, didn't you know that?

This evening I had my dance class. This week it's line dancing. Last week we learned cha-cha (not the bubur cha-cha, mind you!) and hopefully by next week we'll learn salsa or some other foreign dance. The turn out for these dance classes have been pretty good so far! I noticed people start smiling and talking to each other more....unlike before! It's a sign that things are looking up for the people living in the compound....

Next week is the beginning of our one-week holiday. Tomorrow I'll be going off to Bahrain to watch a movie but since it's gonna be a Formula One weekend, everything will surely be expensive there. Looking forward to chill out for a day or two (depending on the hotel rates) then return back here to bum around & finish watching all the TV series I have downloaded earlier....

ox tail soup...

2009-04-17T04:39:00.001-07:00

This is the oxtail soup I made today for the first time in my life. Turned out pretty good!

I found some oxtail at the market yesterday and decided to make some soup. I don't have a special recipe for it but based from my own recipes for making chicken soup, I just improvised. I guess once you know how to make soup, you can just add any ingredients you like!

Ingredients
600 gm oxtail, cut & cleaned
1 onion (grinded)
6-7 pieces if garlic (grinded)
some ginger (sliced thinly)
some spring onion (daun bawang)
some 'daun sup' (I forgot what its called in English)
water enough to cover the oxtail in the pot
2-3 tablespoon of cooking oil
a teaspoon of freshly ground black pepper
some salt
2 potatoes
3 table spoon rempah kurma ayam & daging
5 cm cinnamon stick
1-2 'bunga lawang'

Steps:
1. Start by heating the oil in the pot. Put in the chopped/grinded garlic, onions & ginger into the pot until slightly yellow. Don't forget to tumis the cinnamon stick & bunga lawang also. Put the oxtail in & flip it around for a while until it looks almost cooked (changes colour).
2. Pour in water. Cover with lid. Since this part is quite tough, remember this may take some time. With a pressure cooker, it should be ready in a jiffy but with a normal pot it took me almost 2 hours to make it soft for consumption.
3. Halfway through, add in the serbuk kurma. Another 15 minutes before you are done, add in the potatoes. Remember to check if the potatoes are ready before you serve them.
4. A couple of minutes before you serve, add in the salt & black pepper. Taste to check whether you need more salt or not. You can also add in more water if the soup seems too thick.
5. Chop the spring onions & daun sup as garnishing.
6. Serves 4 adults. Superb with white rice or dinner rolls or even bread.

Selamat Mencuba!

Gym Class Heroes

2009-04-07T08:32:00.002-07:00

Cool huh? Of course it's not my gym! Sekadar gambar hiasan

Finally! After staying here for more than a year and requesting for the gym like 20,000 times (that's kinda absurd, more like 20 e-mails requesting for a gym....), we finally got a gym! *Miskinah! (Arabic for 'kesian') We have a gym building and the equipment is in the building but they never got around to repairing it & cleaning it. I guess this recent development has been triggered by the news that a large number of lecturers are leaving after their contract ends in July, including yours truly....but they should have known we were unhappy about so many things which they could have improved earlier.....Anyway, alhamdulillah dah ada perubahan disana sini walaupun tak pasti sampai bila....

So, when Pak Abu told me about the gym, I could help telling him I didn't believe him! He keeps on saying *maujud (it exist) but I ask him to swear by Allah's name (*wallah!). I followed him and true enough....*wallahee, 'gym' maujud! (by Allah's name the gym exists!). Hahahaha! It's not nice to swear on Allah's name but I couldn't believe it! In my shock I immediately started the treadmill & stationary bike & fiddled around with it for a while. Later that evening I started working out in the gym & played table tennis. I missed working out at the gym and this new gym has lifted my spirits somehow but not that significant....Looking forward to take my walking sessions to another level!

Kak Nab & improper propositions!

2009-04-03T12:31:00.000-07:00

I went to a wedding reception of a colleague of mine. I remember how she told me that she did not plan to get married this year and didn't even have anyone in mind. Then, suddenly her family had a hook up with a relative. And the rest is history. She told me it happened so fast that she didn't even have the time to mull it over. She just accepted the family's proposal & faster than you can say "Vera Wang bridal gown"....she's officially married! I'm genuinely happy for her and at the reception she was every bit the gorgeous bride! (sorry no pictures of the wedding event, cameras were not allowed in!) Towards the end of the event, we had late dinner at 11.30pm and as usual, the food was super marvellous! I went there with another Malaysian colleague and we sat at a table next to a bunch of Kak Nab (my fren Nuri's vocab for gossipy ladies) who kept on glancing over to our tables and whispering to each other. I looked at one of the Kak Nabs and smiled at her. She was caught off guard and smiled back at me. One of them came over & asked us in English are we from Malaysia? We said yes, and in less than 30 seconds we were hounded by 8-10 Kak Nabs who were so curious about us. So we just entertained their questions regarding our job at the college, how do we feel about their country and listened to them ramble on about their kids. Mind you, they were speaking in Arabic most of the time and we were responding in Arabic & English.....which worked pretty well, I must say!

Then one of the Kak Nab asked us whether we were married or not. We just said no, not yet, very soon insyallah, and their faces were a mask of shock! They asked us why? Why are 2 young, adorable, beautiful, successful & friendly ladies still unattached? I answered my standard reply which was I haven't found him yet and it is all Allah's work....They didn't seem happy with my reponse and demanded that we should hook up with someone in that country! And they were adamant to get a man for us! Oh no! What have I gottten myself into?

We had to immediately make a move & call our driver to come now & rescue us pronto! We left after finishing dinner but it was one of those hilarious + awkward moment. Not that I resent their noble intentions but it was kinda sudden & I didn't really know who the ladies were! Tersentak mak!

Still on the topic of propositions, last weekend at an usrah session at one of the Malaysian family house, a lady approached me and started to ask me if I already have "someone." As usual, sensing some sorta "pre-pinangan" talk I navigated my way outta it by saying a lie! At an usrah session! How sinful! Anyways, I told her I have "someone" in Malaysia waiting for me...which is totally untrue....but a necessary white lie. She actually wanted me to hook up with her cousin who is a divorcee. I asked out of curiosity why did he divorce his wife? She told me that the man couldn't stand his wife's social life of going out to nightclubs and events. But at least that was the reason for divorce of the second marriage, now, the first marriage ended up in smoke as well because.....Wait a minute....did she just say he had 2 marriages before? I think at this point I tuned out my brain & didn't really hear what she had said about her cousin. Frankly speaking, I don't feel like doing this at all. This leaves a bitter aftertaste in your mouth! I stopped her from getting her hopes high by telling her that I am sure he is a nice guy but I am also sure marriage is not what he is looking for right now especially after such a recent divorce. I told her that I am sure that once he is ready, he will make his move and look for a new wife. In the mean time, I suggest that he take some time to relax & not worry about getting a replacement because maybe that is what he actually needed! Hahahaha....dialog rejection yang kejam! Not to be mean more like self-preservation on my part....Oh by the way, my other Malaysain friend told me the guy is a total a**hole based on her 'selidik' to her friend who is working in the same place as his. Nasib baik jerat tak kena! Phew!

In the mean time, I gotta lot of work to be done and there's an early morning class tomorrow. I would stay away from the 'match-making' scene for a while and keep a low profile.....

Make up mania

2009-03-29T04:56:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite topics in life would definitely have to be make up! Thanks to my best bud Aniq, who recently tagged me on this topic. Although I am like super busy at work and there are thousands of stuff to do, I took some time to take pictures of my make up kit (not all coz it's stashed in a big box and I just couldn't bother to open it up!) First pix shows my fave items Clinique's concealer which works miracles for me and Benefit's 'Bad Gal Lash' which is super thickening and easy to remove as well as Benefit's kohl eye pencil in 'sable' which is dark brown. Basically, a concealer is useful to cover up all the blemishes, uneven skin tone, bekas jerawat. The brown eyeliner also is my fave item where I usually line my upper eye lids only and smudge them a little. Gives your eyes the edge of wearing make up with out looking too made up.

This is also 2 of my star product! Dual function blusher-lipcolor. Both from Benefit. Dab a little bit on the cheeks and blend. Instant adorable healthy 'I-only-eat-shiny-red-apples' look. I have to admit I can't live without my blusher!

Lippie stuff! Again Benefit tops my list with dual color 'Her Glossiness' lip gloss. I love Dior Addict's gloss because its super shiny and not sticky. Moisturise your lips with a lip balm but for me Clarins' Lip Repair works wonders for dry parched lips.

Tips on wearing lip gloss. Always line lips with lip pencil first in the color that is nearest to your natural lip color (note: never, ever, brown color unless you are going for the drag queen look!), then smudge the colors a little to fill in the lips. After that, swipe on that gloss.

This trio of bronzer, blusher & overall glow powder is a godsend! 'Powder pop' from Benefit gives a girl an instant glow when used all over the face. Simply divine!

The liquid foundation I can't live without from Clinique, it's called 'Superfit' and it's water-based and lightweight. Stays on the skin for long hours! The compact powder is from Lancome's Blanc Expert Neuro White X3, Ultimate Whitening Powder Foundation (that was a mouthful!) and I can't live without it. If you want to splurge on an expensive makeup item, make it your foundation. Go for expert opinion and get the suggestion of the makeup salesperson. If she is a trained salesperson, she should be able to give you great advice for the foundation. The eyeshadow, blusher & lipcolor set is one of my faves as well. A compact all-in-one you can tuck into a small handbag.

Those are my can't-live-without items. Now it's my turn to tag my sis Nadie coz she has good sense of color plus she hasn't been updating her blog for ages! I'm also gonna tag Brainjuice! You know who you are! You have stashed your makeup items somewhere in your cabinet. Time to take 'em out, girl!

Abu Salleh's kids

2009-03-22T10:51:00.000-07:00

Abu Salleh's kids, from left: Hala, Muhammad, Saad (the friendliest kid), baby Manal & Salleh.

Abu Salleh is the security guard at my compound and his family lives 30 meters from our front gates. He just had a baby, his 5th child named Manal. I went for a short visit just to give some gifts but had to stay for tea & snacks. It's like a customary thing to do to serve tea to the visitors and make them stay longer than they should. Since my Arabic is very, very rusty & basic, I only stayed for 30 minutes and had small talk with the mum in broken Arabic+English+hand gestures. The kids were well-behaved and adorable too.

Show me the holidays!

2009-03-15T11:23:00.000-07:00

Mak with Diana & Dodi (Harrods, London) ....after a while, the pix looks creepy like a haunted shrine....btw, I miss my family especially my mom who always manages to drive me crazy somehow.

It just dawned on me that I will be occupied with so much work that I might not be able to write in this blog. Beginning next week the exams are in full swing and so are the classes. It doesn't help to have a bad internet connection. So this week I might have to stay back a little late every day to finish work. I pray Allah will give me the strength & patience to continue what I'm doing in such a hectic time.

This doesn't help my morale when this morning we were informed that our one week holiday in April may not materialise. I don't understand it! We are entitled for the one week holiday as we have worked hard! Like they care for us!

Mood this week: sleepy, busy, annoyed....I want my holiday!

Sick of it all....

2009-02-28T11:45:00.000-08:00

I fell sick today at work. I've been feeling cheerful & healthy the whole morning but come 11 am, I start to sneeze non-stop. My family members identify this as the early symptom for my impending flu & most definitely a full-blown fever. I can feel the virus multiplying and invading my entire being.....

Went back and had some lunch and popped some paracetamol before I doze off. Woke up and felt dizzy but mustered the courage to sit in front of the PC to do some work. Now, its already 11pm and I feel a little better.

I think this morning I was feeling absolutely bored with the idea of coming back to work. One South African teacher didn't return from her holiday without giving any reason for her absence. I'm sure she isn't coming back at all. Then, we were told that we had to cover for her classes.....oooffff! That's when I felt really annoyed and frustrated with the college. It's hard not to feel the frustration oozing out of the pores of every teacher there...I can only do my best & hopefully time flies so fast that I will soon finish my contract.

Back from the highlands

2009-02-26T12:46:00.000-08:00

Edinburgh in my heart....

Mak looking pleased with herself for her ability to finish the superb 'biryani'
at the Edinburgh mosque kitchen.

Mak & Abah posing in front of Edinburgh castle

Nadia's adorable home in Currie, Edinburgh.

My sister's idea of a joke....in front of a shop in Glasgow

My 7 days of overindulgence is over. Time to get back to business. I arrived at the airport last night around 10.30 pm after 8 hours on the flight from Edinburgh to Heathrow to Dammam. More sleepy rather than tired. When I arrived at the immigration, there was an incredibly long line and it took me an hour to pass through the immigration officers. Alhamdulillah, I managed to pass through without any problems at all. They just asked me where I work and which airline did I arrive in...then I was free to go. The thing that surprised me was that one of my colleague who happens to be Malaysian and had arrived an hour earlier was still in one of the "maid reception room" where they usually detain all the single women traveling alone into the port of entry. I had to make some phone calls in order to get her out. Alhamdulillah after she was detained for almost 3 hours, she was finally released by the officer. I think I was lucky to escape the "dungeon" because I came in from London which totally perplexed me....

Anyway, back to my 7 day trip to Edinburgh. It started on Thursday when I arrived early in the morning in Edinburgh. It was cold and windy and I immediately felt this sense of "normalness". I guess I've been so used to traveling and going out of my own 'comfort zone' that I was enjoying my venture into the unknown. It was great to see my sis Nadia, her hubby Riza, my mom & dad & Nadia's kids, Sarah & Hassan. Their home is adorable and cosy, located in a housing area on top of a hill.

After having lunch we packed our stuff & headed straight to Sheffield to spend a night there with a friend's family & continued on our journey to London. London didn't seem to change much since the last time I was there in 2000. Went sightseeing for some time and head to the hotel to sleep. The next day went sightseeing again & off to Canterbury to visit my alma mater. Didn't stay long there since we were off to go back to Edinburgh the same night.

Arrived back in Edinburgh around 4am extremely exhausted. Especially my bro in law coz he was driving the entire day. May Allah bless him. Next day we went to Glasgow for sightseeing & shopping which was surprisingly cheap! Had a blast in Glasgow. The city was more 'happening' than Edinburgh with more muslims around & more places to go & exciting things to do.

Next day I went to Edinburgh castle with my mom & dad. Did some sightseeings & touristy stuff. Ate superb 'biryani rice' at the back of the Edinburgh mosque's kitchen. Poor mom was hurting her feet from all the walking but it seems like she was okay the next day.

My last day was spent in Livingston, a small town outside Edinburgh which has a designer's outlet shopping mall. As usual I lost all sense of time and spent almost 5 hours of shopping. Like I said before, I have been afflicted with this disease that affects most women with a credit card in hand...shopaholicism! An impulse to buy stuff endlessly.....very dangerous!

The following day was already my day to return here. Although I felt this overwhelming sense of not returning, I was compelled to make the journey back and finish another 8 weeks before hte next holiday in April. I'm planning to go to Amsterdam but it has not been confirmed yet.

All in all, I enjoyed my stay there and wished I had more time to spend not to just go shopping but also to enjoy the other activities there & spend time with my family. I still do miss my own country...but my heart has fallen for Edinburgh and I want to get to know it better. Maybe next time, insyallah...I'll be back.

Last day of college!

2009-02-18T01:33:00.000-08:00

Feels like deja vu all over again coz I feel like I have written this before last semester. It is the last day of work for me this semester. I can see some tearful eyes of the students and also some happy smiling face. Some came to me asking me to teach them again....which I find so sweet and I would love to do so....but it is not up to me to do that. If only I can do that, I would definitely teach some of the students again coz they are very dear to me.

I'm flying off to Edinburgh, Scotland tonight for one week and will return next Wednesday. So, insyallah I will update some photos of my stay there. If I feel like it!

Jane Austenism

2009-02-13T13:26:00.000-08:00

Jane Austen stuff

I am in love with Mr Fitzwilliam Darcy. It all began last week as I was obsessed with watching Jane Austen's "Pride & Prejudice" on youtube. I was looking for the DVD version but find it too expensive to purchase. I decided to search for it on youtube and luckily enough I managed to find the 1995 BBC version with Colin Firth as Mr Darcy.

This week I abandoned Edward Cullen (New Moon - the Twilight saga) by the bed and continued to surf youtube to search for more Jane Austen heroes. I found Sense & Sensibility, Mansfield Park & Northanger Abbey. Needless to say I am now hooked with Jane Austen and would love to visit Bath in England.

Since I will be off to Scotland to visit my family, I was kinda hoping they would be willing to go to Bath. Hopefully they would oblige. I went to Bath some years ago but it was under some sort of college trip for the international students and we went to all the touristy places only.

Yesterday I finished watching Persuasion at around 2am and realised I hadn't packed my stuff! I managed to pack my bag but realised that it was only half-filled. My mind is full of ideas to do when I get there that I didn't care enough about the half-filled bag...May Allah protect me in my journey!

Reached a limit?

2009-02-07T01:22:00.000-08:00

Everyone has a limit to their patience and coolness factor. You should never go overboard with people's limit. What do you think may happen if you cross that line? I'm sure some of us has unintentionally done so accidentally in the past. How could we have known? We can't see any line or indicator or flashing lights that can tell us that we've gone overboard. We only know it when it's too late.

I didn't cross anyone's line that's for sure but someone crossed mine. I didn't know that I will feel so strongly about it but it happened over some period of time until it bowled over and I just become fed up, annoyed and a little hurt over the accumulated incidents. In the end I decided it's best if I ignore this person before she makes me really angry and I may say things that I will regret later.

The problem is that I did try to talk to her about it just to let her know how I feel but when the time came for me to do that....it didn't happen. I usually don't have a problem talking to people about this kinda things but knowing HER and a few people had nasty encounters with her earlier that I decided to shut up and do my own thing.

I have also decided to break away from her and all the things we used to do together. I didn't kinda feel 'berdosa' for doing that but I just had enough of her comments. I think my last straw that made me decide she is not worth to care about was when a colleague told me in confidential that she made a remark about how much I earn! How dare she say such things in front of others! How much you get paid is totally unrelated to you! and it's very private & confidential. So when I knew about that I just decided to stay away from her.....

Of drivers, work, books and elements against the religion!

2009-01-30T04:45:00.001-08:00

My driver Mr J was released a few days ago and things have turned upside down ever since. First of all I have lost my driver coz his car is still being impounded by the cops. Now I have this new driver who don't speak English very well and not that friendly & helpful either! Well, beggars can't be choosers, right?

At work, students are facing their finals starting this week and only a handful promised to come for classes while others will take their own 'cuti exam'. This is the first college I have ever worked in that do not give students a week off for preparation before their final exams. Weird!

I've been swamped with work preparing exam questions & coursefiles for subjects that I don't even teach. Letih & lenguh most of the time. Makes me wish I hadn't come here in the first place.

Quran classes cancelled temporarily becuse of my hectic schedule. Insyallah it will continue after the holidays. Tengoklah camana....

In between the craziness I manage to squeeze in my daily 20 minutes walk & reading Stephanie Meyer's 'Twilight' saga & Sophie Kinsella's 'Shopaholic' series. That reminds me I have to pick up "Undomestic Goddess" from the Bookstore because the kind bookworms there have ordered the book for me. It finally arrived after 3 weeks of wait. Something about the word "goddess" in the title that triggered the proper authorities to check the contents of the book before it is safe for public consumption! I remember talking to the Bookstore assisstant and asking why the book is being reviewed by the authority. He just replied that the book may "contain elements" that is "against the religion". I immediately shot back at him "Isn't everything here against the religion? What about the satellite dish that everyone has in their house? Isn't that against the religion?" Hehehehe....just ruffling some feathers there!

I'm looking forward to go for my one week hols in Scotland to visit my sis & parents. Heard the shopping is good since there's bargains abound. Puasa shopping ajelah kat sini....

To Nadie, 'an idle mind is a devil's workshop' was taken from John Steinbeck's 'The Pearl' novel, Chinua Achebe's 'Things Fall Apart' and 'To Kill A Mockingbird' (tak ingat sapa author). It's all the central theme of the books. Why would I remember THAT!

Wherefore art thou Mr J?

2009-01-20T10:35:00.000-08:00

My dedicated driver Mr J is still in jail. It's been 4 days already and I haven't been heard a peep from him at all. Poor old Mr J. He has been a dedicated driver through all these hardship of not being able to drive a car and get a driver's license in the land of contradictions....

I heard from his brother, the reason for his arrest by the police was unclear. He was arrested in front of my college while sending some students. There were 30 other drivers mostly Bangladeshis who were arrested that Saturday morning. It seems someone tipped off the police that these "house drivers" were doing illegal jobs by ferrying college girls to "rendezvous" with some "men" which is a serious offence here. These "house drivers" like Mr J were employed by their employers to drive their children to school. So in between the school hours and after school finishes, these drivers are practically doing nothing. It's only natural for them to seek extra income by becoming "teksi sapu" and helping the ladies who are not allowed to drive but needed transportation to get around.

I believe there are some people who are unhappy with the prosperity of these drivers and try to "tutup periuk nasi". It could be the taxi company who is fed up when no one wants to use their services. This taxi company is probably "dengki". We simply don't use them because of trust issues (we do not know the driver personally so women may fall into the dangers of kidnapping.....yes, it's true here....do not hop into a taxi alone especially if you are a single lady for fear of your safety)

Anyway, I did call him up while he was in jail just to keep his spirits up. Bless him, he sounded cheerful enough and joked about jail food! Just told him to hang in there and remind him that we are all praying for him to get out soon. He was optimistic but later I heard Pak Abu, the security guard telling me in broken Arabic+English=Aranglish, that Mr J will only be released after 2 weeks and will be deported immediately to his own country! Kesiannya drebar aku! Nothing I can do there but pray for his quick release since its very difficult to find drivers you can trust and is helpful to your plight.

Student Party Crashers!

2009-01-14T02:21:00.000-08:00

Me wearing the Gaza inspired pink 'shemagh' as part of my party gear!
I bought 3 of 'em since it's so versatile as a scarf and fashion accessory!

I was invited by a bunch of my students for a private party. In the beginning, I didn't want to go mainly because I was tired and it was a student's party anyway...But as the week went on (they invited me last week...then pestered me everyday to come for the party!) I got so fed up with my workload that for 2 days in a row I was substituting this same teacher who was once very bitchy to me! Not only that, her class turned out to be one of those obnoxious group of girls who are loud and extremely rude! Well, not all of them but enough to make me shout at them! (which I normally wouldn't do and have never done before to university level students!) Suffice to say, that I had enough of substituting people! So last night I picked up the phone & called one of the girls and asked for directions to the party!

I put on my pink 'shemagh' scarf (read and white head cover that the middle East men usually wear, but now it's so in fashion you can spot them in every colour imaginable and in so many designs) and a sequined black top paired with my Gap jeans, donned a pair of dangly earrings and applied some make-up and I was good to go!

I went with another Argentinian teacher, Flo, who is such a cool person to bring to a party because she is willing to do anything! She sure isn't a party pooper! Anyway, we got to the party around 8pm and it was in full swing and the girls were so excited to see us they practically announced our arrival! Malu kejap!

I met the students' mom, sister and friends and found that most of 'em are not 'sombong' at all! Some even speak American accented English and were very polite people!

Of course the party was for girls only and there were no alcohol, ciggies or drugs (I didn't see any and I was there for only 2 hours!) It was purely a bunch of *"crazy girls dancing the night away"! *quote from one of the moms....

Since the culture posed so many restrictions on the girls and knowing how teenage girls love to have fun, I understood why some students behave the way they do in college. Not only did I get to know more about my students' life and behaviour, I also caught a glimpse of their hopes for the future....These girls want to break free from the binding restrictions that limit their full potential to become a well rounded individual. They wanna break away from the stereotypes of their culture that do not allow them to do so many things by themselves. I hope they will find a way to express themselves in a culture that is hardly expressive at all....Now I want to be grateful with what I have in my own culture and family.....

The Fast of Asyura

2009-01-08T01:04:00.000-08:00

The feast after the fast...(from top: orange juice, strawberry cheesecake, strawberry halves dipped in chocolate, some arabic sweets, sambal tumis ikan bilis, bubur kacang hijau, vege popiah, keropok ikan....)

First of all to my fren & ex-colleague, Mr H, please stop calling me "kak"! It's weird, very old-fashioned and highly inappropriate way to address a total diva! Hehehehe...

As you can see from the photo above, I had a hard time finishing the food I prepared for the 'iftar' or buka puasa. Since no one was around at the compound when it time for iftar (dunno where everybody went to....I heard there's a sale of some sorts in the city centre....I guess they all went there) I had to refrigerate it for them later. And yes, I made all of 'em from scratch except the orange juice and the cheesecake!

It was the day of Asyura yesterday and I was aware of the fasting since my students told me about it a couple of days back. I wasn't really aware of this significant day but after the students reminded me about it, I found out some interesting significance to this day....

Message to my family members in Scotland: sorry I didn't remind you guys about this day. I thought you remembered. Insyallah next time.....

The Historical Significance of ‘Ashura

Hazrat Ibn Abbas (Radiyallahu 'anh) reports that the Holy Nabi (Sall Allahu alaihi wa Aalihi wa Sallim) arrived in Madinah and found the Jews observing fast on the day of ‘Ashura… They said: "It is the day of great (significance) when Allah delivered Hazrat Musa ('Alaihis-Salaam) and his people and drowned Pharoah and his people, and Sayyidina Musa ('Alaihis-Salaam) observed fast out of gratitude. And we also observe it." The Holy Messenger of Allah (Sall Allahu alaihi wa Aalihi wa Sallim) responded: "We have more right, and we have closer connection with Sayyidina Musa ('Alaihis-Salaam) than you have"; so Allah’s Messenger (Sall Allahu alaihi wa Aalihi wa Sallim) observed fast (on the day of ‘Ashura) and gave us orders to observe it. [Sahih Bukhari and Muslim]

‘Ashura is a day of great historical significance. On this day:

1. Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) accepted the repentance of Sayyidina Adam ('Alaihis-Salaam) after his exile from Paradise

2. Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) saved Sayyidina Nuh ('Alaihis-Salaam) and his companions in the ark

3. Allah extinguished the fire in which Sayyidina Ibrahim ('Alaihis-Salaam) was thrown by Nimrod

4. Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) spoke directly to Sayyidina Musa ('Alaihis-Salaam) and gave him the Commandments

5. On this same 10th of Muharram, Sayyidina Ayyub ('Alaihis-Salaam) was restored to health (from leprosy)

6. Sayyidina Yusuf ('Alaihis-Salaam) was reunited with his father Ya’qub ('Alaihis-Salaam)

7. Sayyidina Yunus ('Alaihis-Salaam) was taken out from the belly of the fish

8. The sea was divided as the nation of Israel was delivered from captivity and Pharoah’s army was destroyed

9. ‘Ashura is also the day when the kingdom of Sulaiman ('Alaihis-Salaam) was restored

10. Sayyidina Isa ('Alaihis-Salaam) was raised to Jannah

11. Sayyidina al- Imam Husayn (Radiyallahu 'anh) (the Holy Nabi’s, Sall Allahu alaihi wa Aalihi wa Sallim, grandson) achieved the honor of Martyrdom.

Worship Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) as much as you can on ‘Ashura. Whoever fasts on this day

1. Is like one who fasts all his life.

2. Whoever clothes a naked person Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) will release him from a painful punishment.

3. He who visits a sick person, Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) will grant him a reward that will not be decreased.

4. Whoever places his hand on an orphan’s head, or feeds a hungry person or gives water to a thirsty man, Allah will feed him a feast from Paradise and will quench his thirst with Salsabil (a wine that does not intoxicate).

5. And who ever takes a Ghusl on this day will enjoy excellent health and freedom from sickness and indolence.

6. Whoever provides generously for his family on this day, Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala) will be generous to him throughout this year.

7. Whoever applies Kuhl to his eyes will never suffer from eye-sore again, Insha’Allah al-Aziz

Adapted from www.ummah.net

Happy 1430H and 2009M

2009-01-02T00:15:00.000-08:00

I never really celebrate New Year's Eve or New Year. Except for that one occasion in 2000 when I was coincidently in London and happen to be with a bunch of friends somewhere along the banks of the river Thames. The only reason was to watch the15 minutes fireworks show on display for the millenium. I'm a sucker for fireworks. And also there was this millenium bug scare that they predict will infect all electronic gadgets and render them useless. I didn't want to be at home watching TV when that happens. Sadly, that bug turned out to be a hoax! But I was glad to be out to watch the fireworks!

Fast forward to 2009, while the entire world is happily hugging and watching the fireworks display, the people of Gaza were watching the skies, huddled in fear for rocket attacks. Do you know that when the rockets are launched, it's so hot that it practically lights up? They're not that colourful though but you can see 'em whizzing in the dark skies over Gaza. The only difference is that the rockets kill and maim the Palestinians while the ones we see over our skies are for decorative purposes.

This year, I stayed in my room in the compound huddled over 3 stacks of exam paper trying so hard to mark those darned exam scripts. Watched TV and went to my favourite book shop nearby to read some books for free! I'm a freeloader when it comes to books! Spent almost 4 hours there until the staff alredy recognise me...."*mudarisa fil kuliyyah banat" (*teacher or lecturer of the girls university).

I know it's kinda late to ask you this, but "What were you doing on New Year's Eve?"

Interview with the diva

2008-12-29T01:26:00.000-08:00

I'm just doing this because my best bud Aniq made me! I don't have time for interviews but I don't mind doing this for you babe! So here goes!

What were you doing 5 years ago?
That was 2003, I was just starting my masters, already 3 years in a job I learn to love, just broke up with a good for nothing a**hole, having financial problems and trying to get rid of my addiction to spending!

What were the 5 things on your list to do today?
- I have a class in 10 minutes
- finish this darned entry
- do laundry
- watch episode 6 of lipstick jungle
- go for my 20 minutes walk around the compound

What are the snacks that you enjoy?
- Krispy Kreme donuts! high in calorie & sugar content and totally delish!
- Al Fanar mocha (Saudi based drive thru coffee & deli. I live for Al Fanar coffee!)
- vegetable popiah
- keropok lekor with chilli sauce
- biscuits! any cruncy noisy biscuit will do. my fave is 'Leibniz wholewheat biscuit'!

What are 5 things that you do if you were a billionaire?
- I will quit my day job!
- donate 1/4 of my money to Islamic organisations propagating da'wah in non-Muslim countries.
- deposit 1/4 into FD or any investment program.
- start my own company that help other people to start their own company.
- relax and possibly get married to another billionaire just to get him to do the same things I did.

What 5 jobs you’ve had?
- susun buku at MPH
- cashier at a restaurant / night club
- cashier at a pharmacy
- training lecturers to speak English better
- home tutor (I still love teaching people!)

Who are the 5 person you want to tag?
Since I can't tag u back Aniq.....
- Brainjuice
- Nabilla
- Nadia
- Amar Must
- whoever is reading this entry.....go on spread the tag....you know you want to!

Sold out?

2008-12-27T00:47:00.000-08:00

I saw the book last month in one of the bookshops. Didn't think much of it, then. I thought the book was one of those saga stories that tells the story of a family for 7 generations or something...So, I didn't buy it then.

Fast track to this month....after seeing the review of the movie and book by my fortunate friends, I've decided to get the book. To my surprise, the book is sold out here! Just when you want to get one....everybody wants it too! So, I had to place an order with the book store and insyallah will get it in 2 weeks time! Lovely! As for the movie, I'll just get the DVD when it comes out...

Weekend Rantings

2008-12-18T01:10:00.000-08:00

I found this bootlegged cassette of "Exist" in an Indonesian supermarket in Al-Khobar. That shows how far the Malaysian music industry has flourished. Nope, I didn't find Siti's album though. Sold out kot!

I've been occupied with work ever since I got back from Malaysia. It's been a hectic week with classes and so many stuff to unpack from my luggage (tak banyak pun...just a small luggage! I'm just a lazy bum!) I came back from the holiday feeling refreshed although having that nagging flu & cough...i felt energised for work. Just that work isn't exactly an energising one.....

It's winter outside and it's getting chillier everyday. Yesterday it was 7 degrees celcius. And I got a little crazy yesterday and went for a quick jog around the block. Konon nak panaskan badan...I ended up with a frozen face & hands. At least I got some blood pumping in my veins...

I cleaned up the room & rearranged some furniture. My sis Nadie saw my room on skype when I was showing her around my place through webcam and commented on the mess. Yeah, I know it is messy because I just couldn't be bothered to clean up during the weekend. But yesterday I finished work early, so I decided to give my room a facelift. Now it's not exactly a room from Casa Impian but it's presentable....

A friend of mine asked me what do I do for entertainment? Mostly I watch TV series or movies downloaded to my hard disk. Other than that, I read books and surf the net. I hardly go out coz it means calling the driver and waiting for him to come and take you where you want to go and there's the wait for the shops to close and reopen again after prayer times. There's too much waiting time involved and I don't like to wait.

My neighbour living upstairs from me is this skinny lady who walks around in her apartment like she weighs 100 tonnes! I can literally hear her walk from one end of the room to the other! It kinda drives me nuts to hear her movements in the room...

Oh yeah, tomorrow I have to organise this thing with the "jaariyat" people. It's a charity fundraising event where they have all these booths from different countries for exhibition purpose. I've never worked on exhibitions but I can assure you that this will be the first and the last....I'm not too keen on it coz I really wanted this weekend for myself but I my colleague has been so enthusiastic about it that I kinda feel embarrassed if I don't participate. So, 'terjebak' lah jugak aku! Wish me luck with the exhibition! Hahahaha.....

Eid Mubarak!

2008-12-14T06:35:00.000-08:00

At KLIA with Nadie's in-laws before she left for Edinburgh

I arrived back on Saudi soil last Friday feeling jet lagged and totally unprepared for work. There were so many things that I had wanted to do while I was back in Malaysia and I wished that the holiday was longer! (Don't we all wish for that?) So many things to do, so many people to see, so many places to be....yet so little time! How foolish of me to think that time would not be envious of my plans....

I have managed to meet my best buds again after the 2 month hiatus. Met my best bud at KLIA who was about to fly off to Langkawi. Had coffee with him at the terminal but later he missed his flight as we both forgot about the time and continue to rattle on about our lives. Poor him, I had to accompany him to get the next flight from another airline. Hehehehe...it was funny coz I never thought this kinda thing would ever happen to someone who is already at the airport!

Then I met my best bud Aniq who is as gorgeous as ever! She was kinda busy but managed to slot in some time for me as we spent the evening having dinner together with her hubby and my two sisters Nadie & Nabilla and my niece Sarah. Great food with great company...what more could I ask for? (Actually I could ask for a pair of Manolo Blahniks with a slinky black beaded evening gown by Armani....but let's not get distracted shall we?)

I also slotted some time to meet my old bud Sue who had just recently lost her sister due to cancer. My deepest condolences go to her family and may Allah bless her soul for all her good deeds while on earth. Sue seemed distracted but I'm sure she is a strong person and would be able to weather all the sadness that have befallen upon her family. Although it was a short meeting, I wished I could have chatted with her longer.

Another friend I have managed to catch up upon is Jules. She is a dear friend of mine who had just recently managed to get herself in the papers! She is a journalist for one of Malaysia's leading dailies and I'm so proud to have a friend whose face is in the centre spread of the nation's newspaper! Hurrah for Jules! I know you can do it, girl!

I had the chance to look up one of my oldest friend since high school before we lost contact after my family moved to Sabah for a couple of years. We found each other again through the magic of Facebook! Boleh buat buku cerita jejak kasih ni! Hahahahaha! I love Facebook! We met for a brief 15 minutes but it was enough to 'mengubat rindu' for each other. I promised that 'insyallah' I will meet up with him again when I return for my summer holidays.

I have also sent my sister Nadie, her two kids and my mom to the airport for their flight to Edinburgh, Scotland right after Raya Haji. I will surely miss having my mom around for the time being I am in Malaysia. Lepas tu balik Saudi rasa cam biasa aje....I miss everyone!

Anyways, I came back to Saudi feeling more relaxed than usual which is mighty strange for me. Alhamdulillah during my flight back there was no problems and was not holed up in some "Maid reception room" at the airport (heard some scary stories of some people kena kurung inside a 'maid reception room' in Dammam airport because they were single women traveling alone without their mahram! some were detained up to 2 days while waiting for their employers to come and fetch them!) Alhamdulillah I didn't have to go through that! When I arrived back in the compound it all seemed like I have never left the place and I'm just picking off where I have left things....weird....

That very night while trying to recover from jet lag I got feverish and runny nose. Popped some panadols and slept. The next morning I woke up with a sharp pain in my abdomen area and my entire body got cold and I started to sweat buckets! I rolled around on the floor for some time before I can call one of the Malaysian to come to my aid. So we went to the hospital and I got a jab for a painkiller and after some blood tests and urine test, they told me it was nothing. All test results came clear indicating no problems from the inner organs. They gave me some prescription and told me to stay away from spicy food & drink more fluids. It is probably caused by my recent travel and food consumption. Alhamdulillah I am feeling better now. But yesterday really was a scary episode.

Although my Eid holiday was such a short duration that it was almost not worth the travel time of 9 hours, I was glad that the distance I travelled have taught me the value of friendship. How it doesn't change through space, time and distance. And what matters most in our lives are our families because they are the ones who will stick with you through thick and thin. So, people....please appreciate them while they are still around coz we never know when Allah will take them away from us......

To yoga or not to yoga

2008-11-25T06:17:00.000-08:00

I'm disappointed that after practising yoga for a couple of years, a fatwa came out to ban Muslims in Malaysia from practising it. I'm not one for questioning religious edicts or ruling by some religious authority especially when it's done for preserving the 'aqidah' of muslims. But why now? After so many people have practised it for health reasons.

I started doing yoga just for fun because I wanted my body to be more flexible. I'm not an athlete or something but I like the slow stretch and nimbleness of people doing yoga. At first it was awkward because the poses were kinda 'bendy' and 'twisty' on the floor. If you're not careful you can end up looking like a pretzel pose (a yoga pose you can't get out of). I bought some VCD's (no DVD yet at that time) and learned the yoga poses. My mom and sister tried it at first but after a couple of minutes, my mom gave up and my sis Nadie fell into 'deep sleep meditation'. Both of them find it too slow to follow and they get sleepy easily. Then, when I joined a gym, they offered yoga classes and pilates classes which became my favorite. I was able to do more advanced poses and knew my body better. I also had a strict but cool yoga instructor and he was always pushing my stretches further than I thought I can do. So, in a way, the exercise helped me to push myself to the limit.

Now come back to the issue of yoga being one of the way that can 'divert' a muslim's 'aqidah'. I think anything can divert a muslim's aqidah. For example music that we listen to everyday. The rock, pop, hip hop music all contain elements of diversion. It makes you forget you are a muslim sometimes by injecting all these thoughts of love, hatred, anger, sex, racism and so many other 'influences' through its musical lyrics. Isn't that a form of diversion?

Actually when you think about it, almost everything can be a form of diversion of a muslim's aqidah if we are unaware of it. What about the practise of 'bersanding' in the Malay wedding? Isn't that taken off the Hindu wedding ceremony? Correct me if I'm wrong. Muslims in Malaysia still practise it as part of the Malay culture even when it is clearly not related to Islam. Isn't that diversion too?

I guess what's important is to be educated about what you are doing everyday, every minute. Yoga is not the only way a muslim can get their 'aqidah' diverted but also so many other things. If we are moving towards making Malaysian muslims more aware of their aqidah and protecting their aqidah from corrupt values, why not ban muslims from entering or working in premises that sells alcohol? Why not ban cinemas as well? Why don't we whip the men who don't go for Friday prayers? Why don't we throw all the men who marry more than one wife and ignore the welfare of the wives and children they had before? How interestingly utopian values we would have!

I am still gonna do my yoga exercises for the benefit of my body. I don't do the chants nor the deep meditation rituals. I guess fatwa or not, it is still up to you. As long as you are aware of what you are doing and your 'niat' for doing it. And pray to Allah that your aqidah will not be corrupted in the process. Do watch out for the 'mutawwa' (religious police officers) out there. You don't want them raiding your premises for conducting 'haram' yoga sessions do you?

*This post is purely my opinion. No intention of going against any religious authority or offending anyone.

The HARAM Question.....

2008-11-22T03:52:00.000-08:00

Just now I was so annoyed for no apparent reason with a colleague of mine who just had a baby. She was in the car with me on the way back home. We had small talk first but later she suddenly changed the topic by asking me when am I gonna get one of my own! I was so shocked with her remarks because I have never been close to her to talk about this kinda stuff and by the way it really is none of her business. I just said "I dunno, can you buy 'em at the supermarket? I'd like to get one too!"

Arrrrggghhh! My peaceful existence was suddenly shattered by this woman cradling her baby in her arms! It's not much the question but the tone of voice and the timing was perfectly wrong! I get questions like "When are you gonna get married?" a lot of times. Believe me, if I had to count the number of times I get that question and kept RM10 in my account each time it was asked, I would be a gazillionaire right now. Tak payah kerja! But the questions don't bug me at all because I know people are curious and you just need to satisfy their curiosity! I can safely say that the question don't matter to me at all anymore.....

But when this lady asked me about getting one of 'em babies and she still didn't notice I had given her the sarcastic remark so that she would back off....she continued to make another faux pas by asking me "Aren't you even gonna consider getting married?" WHAT!!!! Where did this woman come from! She is way too much! As the Saudis would put it....HARAM to ask someone this kinda questions!

Let me tell you why its HARAM for her to ask this kind of question...First of all, there was an audience. The driver Mr J was listening on our conversation and at some point I noticed he wasn't comfortable being in the situation and kinda try to divert my attention to call the security guard to open the gates to our compound. So, it is HARAM to discuss private matters in the presence of another man just in case it causes you to feel embarrassed or AIB!

Secondly, you don't ask people you hardly know about things that are none of your business! I certainly didn't raise the topic so why did she start yammering about it? Jaga tepi kain sendiri boleh tak!!!!

Next, no matter how adorable your baby is and no matter how proud you are with the baby entering your lives after so many years of trying.....you shouldn't treat your blessings as something that everyone should get. Like an ipod or the latest Nokia mobile phone, those are stuff you can easily get at the shops but babies.....they are an entirely different entity. They actually belong to Allah...not us. If Allah wanna give it to you, you will get one. If it's not your rezeki yet, maybe you will get them in your later stage in life. But to parade your baby around and telling people "you should get one too" is totally insensitive, crass and hyper annoying! Even as a single women, I felt annoyed....imagine if this question was asked in front of a childless married lady.....ada yang bertabur gigi atas jalan ni......

So my point is.....please be sensitive to others and avoid asking HARAM questions!

Take some time off...

2008-11-21T09:13:00.002-08:00

So I just came back from the social event with the 'jaariyat' ladies. I got to know them from my quran teacher Um Arwa. At first I was planning on not going to the gathering because I had so much exam papers to mark. Then, Um Arwa called me to remind me about the gathering and another 2 ladies from the 'jaariyat' called as well. One of them even spoke to me in Arabic! Maybe she saw my name and thought that I am able to speak their language as my name is a very common Arabic name. When I told her I am unable to fully understand her, she tried her best to explain slowly to me. All I know is that I am invited to the gathering that starts after Asar prayers. Due to their determination and persistence to invite me, I just decided at the spur of the moment to go and come back early. God knows how these ladies like to have their gatherings until late at night!

At the event one of the ladies gestured to me about someone about to make an announcement. A petite Filipino girl came to the front of the gathering and pointed her index finger upward and started to say the 'syahadah'. The whole place fell silent and when she finished, I couldn't control my tears from falling! It was such a beautiful moment and I was glad I came as one of the witness for the conversion.

I have always loved stories of how people get their 'hidayah' to become muslims. One of my friends who 'reverted' to Islam at the age of 18 told me the story of how he made kinda like a dare to Allah to prove to him the true religion. He kept 2 small leafy plants separate in 2 different cupboards in a dark room and in his heart he said that after 30 days he will check on the plants. He said that if the first plant lives after the duration, Christian will be his belief. While the other plant, if it is still green and leafy after 30 days, Islam is the true path for him. He locked the room and after 30 days he came back to the room to open the cupboards. The first plant was brown and withered without water & sunlight.....so, Christianity is not for him. Upon opening the second cupboard he was so dumbstruck with what he witnessed. The leafy plant was green and fresh and most shocking was that it has some small flowers blooming! Subhanallah! He embraced Islam soon after that.

Stories of people being given 'hidayah' by Allah is a very unique and precious experience. Each day I can see this evidence of Allah being everywhere and in everything that we do. It's just that do we even stop for a moment to appreciate the beauty of Allah in things that surround us....or do we hasten by in our hurry to get to some place in our very short time on earth? For me, I just had to take time out from my busy schedule to devote a little time to others and attend some events. It may be boring and lengthy but insyallah it will be a good thing one way or the other.

What about you? Do you take time out to do things for others even when you're too busy?

The Women's Club

2008-11-20T10:31:00.000-08:00

Aina & baby Zaid

I just got back from one of those gatherings with Malaysians living here. It's usually done once a fortnight and hosted by one of the Malaysian family here. It's so good to be talking to Malaysians once again and speaking in Malay language. Got to know more people and mostly nice ones. Very humble and down to earth as well as friendly. Had a nice nasi briyani & barbequed wings. There were also other Malaysian delicacies like soto ayam and kuah kacang and other food which is so much that I can't even remember 'em.

I'm not so much of a social lady but in times like this one has to put up a smiling face and brave the crowd. I really don't know what to say or even how to behave but one just start any topic and get the ball rolling. Topics ranging from Obama's victory to their kid's school uniform to the recipe for sambal tumis ikan bilis.....As the night went on, the stories became more & more interesting. Some ladies shared their stories of hardships and certain illness that they managed to overcome while others rattled on about their latest holiday trip to Europe...

While listening to all their stories, I took a bite of squid and was instantly transported back to a time in the past. I remembered the taste of the barbequed squid on Perhentian Island sometime in 2005. It kinda took me back to the memories of that day and I just can't imagine that 3 years later I'm sitting in a stranger's kitchen in a foreign land trying to create small talk with a bunch of housewives. Nothing wrong in this scene but I can't help to wonder about the course of my life. How weird and winding it has been...and I wonder what else awaits me behind the corner!

Tomorrow evening I have another social activity to fulfill this time with the ladies of the da'awah centre here. The da'awah centre has been very active in getting the non muslims to join in their activity and hopefully bring some in to embrace Islam...which has happened so many times before....alhamdulillah! So, another activity with the ladies of the "jaariyat" tomorrow. I still have 2 more bundles of exam papers to mark and classes are going on as usual on Saturday.

Oh yeah...I almost forgot about my nephew Muhammad Zaid who is in the hospital for some infection in his lungs. I pray to Allah to make him better and please pray for my nephew as well. Although my mom says it's nothing serious but I'm still worried about that baby. Hopefully he will recover soon. Amin to that!

To my sis Nadie, hang in there...tak lama lagi you gonna join your hubby. Only a matter of time. To my sis Nabilla, you are doing a great job taking care of the babies and remember may Allah repay your good deeds with even better things in life!

Always in my prayers...

2008-11-14T09:07:00.000-08:00

This pix is totally unrelated to my post. This is my fave book at the moment!

I usually talk about myself. Today I wanna talk about someone else. My chiquitita bro. I have one older bro and 2 younger bros. I love all of 'em. One of my bro is facing a tough time in his life at the moment. I'm not sure what is his predicament but I suspect it has affected his emotions for some time. The last time I was back in Malaysia during raya hols, we didn't have much chance to speak coz he was busy with classes & assignments. I also didn't notice the change in him. But later I noticed him being quieter than normal. He used to be a bubbly person full of mischevious crooked smile and is always up to doing things. Then he started to sleep most of the time he was at home & hardly talk to other family members. Maybe he has some girl issues or concerns about his future or maybe he is just coping with his own personal issues. Whatever it is, it made me worry about him and I do hope it is not too late for me to reach out to him and tell him to hang in there bro! You will surely find a way to get outta the mess and insyallah become the usual you again. I only have a word of advice for him...I am praying to Allah that all your problems will be solved and maybe you should do the same too. I'm not gonna be the preachy sister but this seems the only way I know that can help you clear your thoughts and insyallah find the solution to your situation...Take care bro, you are always in my prayers...

Of unknown audiences

2008-10-31T00:25:00.000-07:00

I'm just trying to keep up with my own hectic life!

I have been blogging for almost 2 years now. This has been my only blog and hopefully not my last one. I'm planning to start another blog that doesn't concern my life and everything in it. It will be one of those 'lifestyle blogs' for women concerning topics like fashion (clothes, accessories, makeup, skincare), cooking (recipes, tips in the kitchen, petuas), hobbies (book reviews, movies and entertainment, things you can do to kill time), health and nutrition and insyallah more stuff concerning women and women of concern. This sudden idea came into my mind when I was watching my fave TV channel (Al Jazeera news! coz that's the only channel I watch besides Nat Geo). There was a story about a guy who works as a "food writer" and makes a living outta it. I got curious and did some research and true enough you can actually make a decent living outta eating & telling other people whether the food sucks or succulent enough for you to even give a damn about writing it. So, there's so many ways for you to make a living out of telling people what to do or not do....or even what to eat or not eat! It gave me the idea to start something like that...you know....as a hobby and insyallah one day expand it to something great. Now, I can almost hear my sis Nabilla going "Not another one of your grand ideas...again!" Whatever it is.....I will keep you posted!

I've also noted lately that there were some audience or blog readers especially to my blog are actually strangers! I didn't notice this until someone left a comment. The main reason I had started this blog was to vent off some sorta frustration I had in mind (while I was working in one of those dark & gloomy place!) and then it turned into a communication tool for me to tell my family & friends about my life here. It had that element of a diary (a public one though...) and newspaper-ish and email telling your loved ones that you are okay and hanging on. It was also a way for me to express certain things that might have never been expressed before....let's just say it keeps me sane and healthy in the noggin'....avoid paralysis of mind!

Anyway, getting back to the topic of audiences, at first I was freaking out that some stranger out there is reading about my life! I don't mind it so much if these people were one of my friend, acquaintances, relatives or even ex-boyfriends....but when it comes to strangers....I felt like I was being stalked! An eerie chill came up my spine! Someone is watching and knows things about you....SCARY MARY!

After a while I thought about it and instead of looking at it as an invasion of privacy or stalker material...I've decided not to worry about who is reading my blog entry! I should be happy that some stranger out there....it means you....whom I have no idea who you are and you probably don't even know me....took their precious God-given time to even open my blog to find out all about me! It means I'm so worthy of your spare couple of minutes for you to even care about what I ate for breakfast or even the turmoils I'm facing in this strange land. Thank you for taking time out from your busy & hectic schedule to devote some attention to me! I feel like a diva once again! And if you do drop some comments in my comment box, please do not hesitate to leave your blog address so I may return the favour and care about your unknown existence. And if I care enough about you, I may even put a link to your blog so that more people will have a glimpse of your wonderful life and start to hog your blog.

Weekend stuff

2008-10-23T02:33:00.001-07:00

"What do you do on weekends?"
"Well, you know, the usual stuff"
"No, I don't know. What usual stuff?"
Hmmm...let me break it down for you. I do whatever I feel like doing on weekends since I don't really have any obligations except on myself. Mostly I cook something nice for myself & anyone who is around in the compound and experiment with new recipes. Other than that I do my yoga or ball exercise for an hour, read a book, watch TV, surf the net, prepare for my classes and clean up the room (not in any specific order). Lately I have found a new hobby...watching TV series. I'm just hooked on watching TV series and it doesn't help when I have 2 colleagues who share the same new found hobby. So we exchange TV series with each other and later catch up for coffee & chat about the latest developments on the series. Kinda pathetic....coz I never really cared about the TV land previously but since I have so much time to kill, I have to find things to do or watch to avoid falling asleep or going shopping frenzy because seriously...an idle mind is a devil's playground.

I know that when I get married and have my own family, this will be the luxury I cannot and will not afford for myself. Though its kinda pathetic, I just gotta saviour this weekend activity while I can.

Back to Quran school...

2008-10-18T12:00:00.000-07:00

It was back to school...quran school for me after the long Ramadhan & Eid holidays. I remembered the last day I was in Saudi, Um Arwa, my Saudi mom & quran teacher reminded me to read the quran. Of course since it was the holidays & I was in a holiday mood, I totally forgot about her reminder.....yeah....I'm a bad daughter & student! So when I had to read the part of the surah that she asked me to memorize, I stumbled with the reading and surely got an earful of 'syarahan' from her. She wasn't angry or anything...its just that she reminded me of my purpose for attending the quran classes at first. As a muslim we must know or at least learn about the contents of the quran. Yeah you should be able to read the Arabic script of the quran with its proper intonations and all but it also is important for you to know its meanings and its significance to our lives. I keep forgetting that. So, thanks Um Arwa for reminding me. Thanks for being a patient teacher & mother to me.

I bought her some small gifts from Malaysia like kaftans & coin purses. She was so happy to receive it and told her insyallah I'll get more of those when I go home for Hajj holidays. Then she asked me when am I going to perform hajj? I really don't know coz you really need to be mentally, physically & 'akhlak' ready to perform something so sacred and pure that brings you closer to Allah....I told her once I have a 'mahram' (male family member i.e husband, father, brother) insyallah I will go for it. If not, I'll register with the tabung haji and wait for my turn sometime in the year 2018. If I'm still alive lah....

It was such a good thing that I met her although sometimes I do feel tired after work but the thought of missing her classes was unbearable to me. So this semester, I hope to be more 'rajin' to read the quran & learn new things.

And to my pal Hafez, insyallah whatever decision that you make will get the blessings of Allah. I pray that ur plans will be successful & aku boleh datang makan free kat restoran kau nanti!

The lost entries v.3

2008-10-15T21:49:00.001-07:00

Attempts at sushi making during Ramadhan

My signature choc chip cookie

Cashew nut cookie made for raya

I like cooking. When there's people around to eat. During Ramadhan I have not been too keen on cooking since there's babysitting to do and most of the time I'm feeling lethargic and in the holiday mood. Yeah, I didn't do much cooking also because my mom was around. Since she is cooking, I stay out of the kitchen most of the time.

During Ramadhan we mostly go to the pasar Ramadhan to buy food since that's more convenient for us. Occasionally I get the cooking bug to try something new and made some sushi one day. I also got into the habit of baking cookies....repeatedly. Had to make an extra batch of choc chip cookies since its the fave of my family members.

The more I think about my stay in Malaysia, the more I miss everyone & everything there. I felt my holidays were too short (1 1/2 month) and insyallah I will be back for raya haji this December.

The lost entries v.2

2008-10-11T05:54:00.000-07:00

Sarah showing off her fierce face while Aina is happy to pose for the camera.

Sarah wearing a belly dancing veil & biting on my tooth brush.

Aina flipping the pages of a CD book I got her. Notice the room in a mess.

Baby sitting blues

Another activity I manage to do or rather had to do was to babysit 2 of my nieces Aina & Sarah Raihanna. They are both really adorable kids. Aina is almost 2 years old while Sarah is 1 year plus. Every morning when I wake up (usually late morning...) I can see Sarah's smiling face looking at me and asking me to play with her. She likes to see the lampu raya we have hanging outside the porch and insists to see the lampu raya in other people's homes at raya time. Aina is also adorable and goofy at times when she is not demanding for attention or screaming for something she didn't get. She speaks a language that sounds like English but not exactly English and can understand some basic English instructions given by adults. She is also friendly with people and has no fear of doing things except for her fear of 'cicak'.

Babysitting is a tiring job and I salute the babysitters and grandparents who have taken the time to take care of kids growing up. Its not an easy task and requires constant vigilance to avoid any accidents from happening. Anyway, I did enjoy the time spent taking care of my nieces and I wish i had more time and patience to deal with them the way my dad does. (mom has her boiling points!)

Now that we have 2 new additions to the family with my sis in law and my sis Nadie just gave birth to two lovely baby boys, I'm sure life would not be too lonely for the folks at home...

The lost entries v.1

2008-10-10T03:43:00.000-07:00

It has been ages since my last entry to this blog. I have been occupied at home doing homely stuff namely baking, cooking, cleaning & mostly babysitting. I've also been meeting up with friends and had dinner, lunch, supper, buka puasa, sahur and beraya. Also did some banking transactions, shopping, karaokeing, movies, bumming around at home, bumming around in Langkawi and bumming around at home some more. Where should I start?
(Cool accomodations at Malibest Resort, Cenang Beach Langkawi. However it was fully booked till December...)

Langkawi Trip

The next day after I arrived home, I went to Langkawi with my sis Nabilla & bro Amar. Met up with one of my best mates since college years, Megat, who has started his own restaurant in Langkawi. I'm so proud of him and can't help to feel a little envious coz I too wanted to have my own business one day.

The first day was spent having roti canai for breakfast, strolling on the beach, cable car ride (which was more like a theme park ride to me!) and ended with pasar malam at kuah town. Poor Amar got stomach ache but control macho saying he is allright.

(This was the adorable chalet we stayed in at Malibest)

The following day was spent waking up late and going to Megat's restaurant then when the sun was shining, all 3 of us went for island hopping. The island hopping was kinda boring & mundane...dunno why...maybe bcoz there weren't so many of us and the other holiday maker's mood were not so cheerful coz of the weather. Mental note: next time will try the more challenging activities.

(Amar looking uncomfortable with the height & swinging motion of the cable car...control macho....)

Got my mom the typical crockery of Langkawians - Corning ware set of 5 serving dish. She had one set from an earlier visit but wanted another set for her collection. Anything for mom...

(Nabilla too trying to control her fear of heights by concentrating on filming us....It didn't work!)

On the final day we just drove around the island sesat sana-sini coz it was raining like mad and the rented Iswara was having a mind of its own when suddenly it started the windscreen wiper by itself as if by automatic sensor. Seram kejap but I remember Jeff telling me of the antics of the car since he used to drive it around earlier when he first arrived in the island. Great! Just what I wanted for the holidays...wet weather and a haunted car!

I would love to go back to Langkawi as someone pointed out to me that I dah terkena sumpahan Mahsuri. Once you've been here, you will be back again one day.

(Megat & Jeff looking absolutely delirious after tormenting all 3 of us with imaginary random tales of cable car accidents...nantilah korang !)

What does raya mean to you?

2008-09-17T10:31:00.000-07:00

my family's raya pix 2007. this is the year all my family members are in it.

here comes the favourite time of the year for muslims in Malaysia...nope, not ur tax returns day nor is it the dreaded budget announcement by the government coz that one is over and done with......its hari raya puasa celebrations or commercially known as Aidilfitri. its a day of joy, to celebrate the triumph of fasting for one whole month of Ramadhan, to ask for forgiveness from everyone you have ever wronged either intentionally or unintentionally.

what is the meaning of hari raya?

for me, the word "raya" or the eid celebrations have only one equivalent:

"family"

last year my family was "complete" coz no one was away for their studies or work or giliran beraya with in-laws. this year, sadly, my bro in law, riza is in Edinburgh for his studies. my sis will only join him after she gives birth and the confinement period is over which will be sometime in December. i'm sure this raya she will be feeling rather sad but insyallah the waiting time won't be too long.

i had my fair share of beraya without my family ever since i was 18 years old and i was studying in KL but my family was in KK. there was only my sis nadie, my eldest bro amroun and I, staying over at our aunt's house in Morib. i was grateful for their hospitality but missed my own family tremendously.

then when i was studying in the UK, i was again faced with the sadness of being apart from my family during raya. hearing their voices on the phone didn't help cure the loneliness you feel in a foreign land. luckily i was surrounded by my fellow classmates who felt the same way too. so we drowned our sorrows in our part time jobs and also organised an open house makan-makan among ourselves and our lecturers.

so this year i intend to make my raya a more meaningful one and appreciate each and every one of my family members. i still don't know how to do it but i believe the 'niat' or intention is already there, so Allah will show you the way later.....

here comes the question: What does raya mean to you?

8 out of 10?

2008-09-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

my niece Aina helping out with the mixture...

took out the baked goods out of its pan....

overflowing choc top and drizzle of rainbow coloured topping....

mom said it's a 8 out of 10 grade! how insulting! belum rasa dah rating!

today i was in the mood for baking some cupcakes. i found the recipe in one of those old raya super bumper edition mags with "101 resipi kuih raya" written on its front page. in the beginning i just followed the recipe but after i put in the 4th ingredient it was clear that the recipe had its flaw. i had to throw away the first batch since its consistency was all wrong and watery.... after modifying the recipe barulah betul....and there is no stopping me until i finish everything. i do get obsessive concentration once i set my mind to start baking something. i'll go all out to finish it!

mom took a quick look at the finished goods and declared that i need to work on making it look presentable and refined coz it does look kinda amateurish...i agree with her. but then she put a score of 8 out of 10 even before tasting the cup cakes! how insulting to a chef!

later during iftar, my dear sweet bro amir said it was good but the rainbow coloured balls were a distraction to his tastebuds....so maybe a change to coloured rice would be better next time.

i'm already home!

2008-09-02T09:38:00.000-07:00

i have returned home for almost 2 weeks and i have been running around doing stuff and going on oliday in langkawi and meeting people....it has been very enjoyable 12 days actually. tak reti dok rumah betul...

will update my blog with pix during the langkawi trip and also my encounters with good old friends and long lost friends...coming soon..

Very sleepy...

2008-08-20T01:55:00.000-07:00

today is my last day at work. i'm gonna board the plane heading back to KL at 12.40 am next day. i am too excited to go home and also very tired today. i couldn't sleep last night and this morning i almost missed the bus becoz i could only doze off around 4 am. i woke up 10 minutes before 6 am and my bus usually leaves at 6 on the dot! hahahahaha....so i was rushing to get on the bus and only managed to shower real quick and grab any clothes to wear....so now, i'm feeling the drowsiness once again....i need a quick nap before i leave.....

the miracle of facebook! again....

2008-08-19T00:44:00.002-07:00

i love facebook! its difficult for me to even proclaim my love to people let alone to a computer app! i've used friendster before but was not really keen on its ability to keep me in touch with friends. i've found that facebook offers me the simplicity of communication & keeping in touch with your buddies. it's also a fabulous way of finding your long lost friend....that is, if they are tech savvy people and have internet access at hand.

last month i reconnected with my adopted bro whom i knew since schooldays. he looked me up on facebook. this morning i decided to give it a try and keyed in one of my old buddies' name. we met each other while i was still studying and share the same hobbies and interest in music. the thing i remembered the most about him was that he taught me how to bowl. it was my first time holding a bowling ball which was so goddamn heavy! i put my fingers in the holes and try to balance the ball and when i swing the ball......it slipped off my fingers with ease.........and fell backwards instead of onto the lane. while i stared at the ball rolling away, i noticed some people on the other lanes sniggering and my bloody friend was trying his damn best to conceal his laughter.....yeah...thanks for making me the idiot of the day!

anyway, i tried to contact him but his last known address was a post office box number so it was kinda difficult to know whether he was still around or have moved away....i just gave up but deep in my heart i want to meet him again one day....

so the day came today after i found someone with the same name as his and sent him a message on FB. luckily enough he replied promptly and called me crazy head for losing contact with him! i called him on his phone to check if it is really the right person....yeah....he even called me by my old name when we were friends......hahahahahah

so today is a good day for me and i'm grateful to Allah for answering my prayers and helping me repair my relationships with others. *smile*

what will i miss the most?

2008-08-15T06:16:00.000-07:00

my driver mr J asked me this question yesterday...what is the thing that you will miss the most about this place? even before the finished his question i've given my reply...nothing! i'm just going home for my holidays and i will be back here soon so i dont think there's much to miss.

but on a shallow note...i think i will miss the coffee made by this company called al-fanar. they have the best mocha and capuccino...even better than starbucks or segafredo! they also have the best cheese cakes. hmm...that's the only thing i'll miss....

postsecret: i stare at the calendar everyday...

2008-08-15T06:05:00.000-07:00

yup, this is the calendar that sits on my desk at my workplace staring at me and sneering at me. i stare back at it really hard and take a blue permanent ink marker pen to cross out the dates that has passed. i do this everyday with a large dose of hope and a tinge of relief that this will all be over soon. my friend recommended putting up one of those countdown widgets but i prefer the old traditional way.....seems more real to me!

of mee kari and black pepper beef...

2008-08-13T02:22:00.000-07:00

i caught a whiff of black pepper beef this morning while my mind was idle surfing the net at the office. i looked around trying to locate the source of the beautiful aroma. when i asked my colleagues about it, they looked back at me with an expression worthy of questioning my sanity...

"you're imagining things again aren't you?" asked my trusted filipino friend with a quizzical expression on her face. "last time it was shrimp fried rice and before that it was durian cake," she quipped trying to convince me of my "nasal hallucination".

then, i remembered the source of my abrupt olfactory expolsion...yes, it did happen last week. and the week earlier. it happens on that one particular day only. not on other days. for one day only and it will bug me till sunset....when i am fasting!

only when i am fasting do i get this crazy sensation of eating food that is not readily available here in saudi. the smell lingers on from morning till sunset but it goes away after i have had my "berbuka". i dont know why but this never happened before back home and only recently i can virtually smell food wafting around and its scent doing this crazy dance move in front of me and floating into my nostrils like one of those silly cartoons....

its not that black pepper beef is my favorite food or something, its just that i felt like eating it after a very long time (believe me...8 months is a long time)

later while i was brousing through some sites, i saw another sight for sore eyes! mee kari! it looks really tempting and absolutely lemak manis that i'm cursing myself for not being able to cook it myself! aarrrgghhh! the hard boiled egg cut into half and the crunchy looking bawang goreng and the golden bronze gravy is driving me crazy!

consider yourself lucky if you are in malaysia and are able to eat the lovely food....you lucky lot! btw, i better stop now before i 'batal' my puasa!

Spectacular opening ceremony!

2008-08-09T02:20:00.000-07:00

news.nationalgeographic.com/.../

The Chinese has really done it well! the opening ceremony was super spectacular and it made me feel so jealous off all those people witnessing it in the stadium. The pic above is one of my favorite and there's more from the original site....

makin malas.....

2008-08-09T01:54:00.000-07:00

i'm getting damn bored here! nothing much was done since my quran teacher had to cancel classes due to her going off for her holidays. cikgu quran pun gi cuti! i'm feeling like a pathetic loser now....just counting off the days before i can actually drag my bag out of the gate and say 'masalama' to pak abu the caretaker! hahaha....i'm dreaming of that day!

my senior has left for her holidays last wednesday. i didn't send her off to the airport but did help her load her bags into the cab. she seemed happy and calm not like her usual self which is very surprising.....before she hopped into the cab she told me to take care of myself and if get sick or anything to tell pak abu.....she made it sound like we won't see each other anymore....since there's only 6 people left in the compound, its starting to get gloomier and more depressing than ususal. i keep to myself in the room and just do my own things. sometimes i hear people knock on my door but i just got the lazy syndrome and don't feel like opening them. if its urgent i know they will sms or call me. i know who is knocking on the door but i really dont feel like opening them or even talking to anyone for that matter.....i just wanna go home soon!

caution! fragile!

2008-07-27T11:04:00.000-07:00

darn it! now i have to agree to the age old saying...it's a small world! yeah and its getting smaller and smaller every day! just a few days earlier i hooked up with my long lost adik angkat and when i say long lost...its been a really long time man! thru the powers of facebook and internet connection, no one will ever be lonely or in hiding! i was so happy to see him (online) that when he asked me where have i been all this while....i was dumbfounded! does it even matter where i was or what happened to me? is it anyone's concern that i have been a total stranger to people who were important in my life?

its true that i have been 'away' or absent from some people's life's and that once these people mattered to me. the relationships i had and lost and found again proved to me that relationships are fragile things...they need to be nurtured and taken care of just like a plant. it needs space and time to grow and a patient heart to care for it. although in the past i have acted like a rotten friend...the recent happening just shows one thing...u have the chance to repair the broken relationships and start again to rebuild what was lost. (unless u have burned the bridge....then more work needs to be done!)

um arwa once told me that as muslims we should preserve our relationship with the other person. i'm taking this opportunity to repair all my relationships with my friends and family and if the other person ignores me...well, at least i've done my part...

to answer the question posed above.....yes, it does matter where u were and what u did coz it makes u what u r right now. but it does not determine how i behave towards others right now at this moment. i can choose to continue with my rotten behaviour or choose to become a better friend. i choose the latter.

no, its no one's concern except mine that i have behaved in a rotten fashion towards people who mattered in my life....and the only thing to do is move forward, not to dwell on the past. change can start right now if we want to (i sound like a campaign ad for barrack obama...change!)

too much solitary confinement for me...i'm starting to overanalyse everything!

dahan untuk berpaut...

2008-07-22T22:44:00.000-07:00

"I have a disease and there is no cure for it....."

those were the words uttered by one of my best buds to me yesterday. I wasn't ready to hear that. I didn't know how to respond nor say the apropriate thing. heck, I wasn't even concentrating when he told me that! I was busy watching Japanese drama online at work! how insensitive I've become and how totally uncaring....when the words were uttered, I felt like a tonne of bricks just came crashing down on me with such a force I became numb.....it was the same feeling I felt years ago when someone broke off with me.....only this time I cried. I care a lot for this dear friend and the fact that we have gone through a lot of hardships together just makes the news incomprehensible.....

after the shock and horror subsided, i was hit by this wave of denial...how could someone in his prime age of 30 something get a disease that is usually reserved for old age? is this premature aging? the doctors have yet to confirm this but all the symptoms he is having seems to be indicating the progression of the illness. nevertheless he seemed calm and composed and it breaks my heart for not being there for him.....

after i have collected all the pieces of myself from the floor, i was suddenly enveloped by this feelings of acceptance. like someone just hugged you from behind without u realising it and no matter how hard you struggle to be free, the hug gets tighter and tighter until u finally stop struggling and just let urself be hugged........i calmed down and realised that this is it.....it is a fact and nothing can change that....just accept the fate.......

i can only tell him 2 things that comes to my mind. first is to have patience and surrender to Allah. i guess i have been in this country too long to get used to the idea that whatever we plan in life, only Allah has the final say. everything is said and done with the "insyallah"(if God permits) tagged with it. so its only natural for me to say leave it all in the hands of God. that's the only proper thing I could say.

secondly, i told him that i will be the friend who will be there for him if he ever needed anything. yeah, its true that we have been best buds for a long time. but this is like a test to see who ur real friends are.....and by the way, he has been there for me when I was down, so its only natural for me to be the "dahan untuk berpaut" (the branch to hold on for support) in case he ever needed one.....

oh yeah....btw, (i'm going into non-sequitur mode) i'm addicted to Japanese drama! kim-bil will be rolling on the floor with laughter. i have been cursed by the Korean & Japanese drama gods for ridiculing my sister with her addiction to the famous tv dramas. Tomoya Nagase (my boss my hero) is so hot! now i'm thinking of going to Japan! Kawaiiii!!!!!

shopaholicism

2008-07-12T01:09:00.000-07:00

after returning home from bahrain i realised i have done it again. i have overspent on unnecessary stuff. i am not proud of it and i find it rather disturbing. some people may say that shopping is normal for women and its ok to spend a lot of money on buying stuff. a colleague of mine told me that the locals here especially the women love shopping so much they make it their daily ritual. yeah, i noticed it too in some of my students who change their outfits so frequently they would put a bollywood actress to shame! macam fashion show! its a disease, i tell you coz you need to get some treatment once you've caught it.....

anyway, back to this dangerous affliction called shopaholic....i did it once before in jeddah but it wasnt so bad coz my frens were with me. but when in bahrain, i went shopping alone coz the others wanted to do other things...(actually i wanted to watch a movie then go shopping) i was apprehensive at first to be all alone by myself in the mall. back in saudi i was always accompanied by someone. maybe its the freedom thing, that you can do whatever you want in bahrain coz no one will be looking at you in a weird way.....has caused me to get a jumbo sized popcorn & watched the early show of "kung fu panda". later, i discovered that my driver mr J was seated 3 rows behind and told me that he can hear me laugh so loud since the audience were not so noisy like the malaysians! i noticed that the audience were kinda polite and laughed only at important scenes but what the heck! the movie was hilarious and there is no law against laughing in the cinema!

my mind is wandering again.....back to the topic of "shopaholicsm". it was the first day of the favourite four letter word for a woman.......SALE! yeah....the sale is really a sale coz there's so many shops and they slashed down the price for everything! yeah! everything! so from marks & spencer to zara to mng to gap to adidas and back into gap again......penatlah jugak! at the end of the day i was so tired i was only thinking of sleeping.

the next day is more shopping but this time in the souq (market) area with its winding roads and shops selling stuff at bargain prices....more shopping! lady D and mama M was going crazy shopping for stuff for their kids & grandkids. the other colleague bought a loose diamond at the gold souq for just 2500 riyals! murah giler!

ok, i dont wanna sound like i'm doing a promo for bahrain and sound shallow as well...but the point of me describing my shopping details is that all four of us who went on the trip to bahrain did get afflicted by the dangerous disease called shopaholicism. we sometimes fall into the trap because we were so cooped up in the country we worked in and bcoz of the many restrictions we have to face as a woman in that country. we kinda like exploded with all these boiling emotions as soon as opportunity presented itself. nasib baik pandai shopping aje. kalau benda lain ....tak tahulah......since bahrain pun famous for being the "fleshpot"......nak pegi massage pun takut2!

as a conclusion....since i have shopped till i dropped, the only thing left to do is sit at home & wait till the time comes for me to pack my stuff to go home. so, i'm gonna sit quietly and hopefully just go to the nearby supermarket for groceries......

weekend getaway...

2008-07-01T21:57:00.000-07:00

i'm off to Bahrain for the weekend. its not my favourite destination or anything....its just the nearest foreign country (2 hours drive) and i badly need to get away from the workplace for a breath a fresh air. there is more stuff to do and look at as well as the relaxed atmosphere could do us good. i will be going with fiza, my american friend D & mama M (filipino colleague). our designated driver mr J will send us off there and pick us up on the day of our return. insyallah, i pray that the journey there will be fine & that we come back safely.....

adorableness runs in the family...

2008-06-30T01:15:00.000-07:00

my nieces sarah & aina

sarah being her adorable self

these are my two nieces aina (my bro's daughter) and sarah raihanna (my sis nadie's daughter). they are both adorable and getting smarter everyday...based on the reports of my family members.....can't wait to see them again.

stop wasting time!

2008-06-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

sitting in front of the telly watching yet another rerun of "hannah montana" followed by another disney made children's tv show "phil of the future", i was hit by this realisation that i am wasting one of my precious commodity.....time. its not that i have a lot of time to spare....i have tonnes of it each day! and since i moved to this new room, i haven't been utilising time very well. for the past 3 days i have been sleeping in the afternoons right after i finish work, which is sumthing i don't normally do. i have also become a lazy bum and leave my stuff lying around in the room. some people may say its normal....but its not normal when u have so much time in hand......one of my colleague told me its becoz im so used to do stuff back in malaysia that i miss the momentum & the craziness of doing stuff 24/7. iyelah....there's no mamak stall around here & the harsh desert weather makes it even harder to do outdoor activities. yesterday i did my 20 minutes walk but came back with a 20 hour headache due to heatstroke. another friend told me something shocking.....she said maybe its time for me to get married! whoa! so, getting hitched will solve all my problems? or will it spiral into another new set of problems multiplying........

i hate the summer!

2008-06-21T11:40:00.000-07:00

it was just the first day of summer school but i started to hate the summer semester! the day started wrongly when i forget to set the alarm clock to wake me up earlier since the summer school begins at 7am instead of 7.30am. i almost missed the bus ride to work....almost......

the schedules were in disarray, the students didnt know where to go, the classrooms were in shambles and the admin people are having their morning coffee! chaos ruled! after about 2 hours baru boleh start class.

i was not in my best mood since i was having this lower back pain from all the hard work i had to do over the weekend moving my stuff into the new room.(that's a different story altogether)

went home early but on the bus ride home i cant help to feel sad (maybe just my hormones kicking in.....) that i'm still stuck here while some of my colleagues are frolicking in the freedom of their own land......went for a nap (which i usually dont do.....) feeling extremely lethargic!

went to the quran class reluctantly with all the bad feelings mixing inside. as usual um arwa being the very observant teacher coaxed me into telling her why i looked so tired. so i told her that i was not feeling very happy staying over here for the summer semester. i might have made a bad decision to stay on until august. she just told me its normal to feel that way. and also to read surah al-insyiraah. in the surah one of the ayat mentioned that whatever hardships that come our way, good things will follow suit.....insyaallah. just leave it all in Allah's hands.......reminds me of what my Abah always said that whatever happens in our life, good or bad, has its "hikmah"(reasons) and we should be patient with whatever that has befallen upon us.

also to my sis nabilla, dont feel to bad about your situation. just pray to Allah to get you what you want and also one day those "zalim" people will get their dues from Allah. remember....doa orang teraniaya selalu Allah makbulkan.

last day at school

2008-06-17T23:27:00.000-07:00

its the last day of school at my college. most of my colleagues are going home to their own respective countries and one of the malaysian will be leaving for good. she has finished her contract. so there will only be 3 malaysians left here.

i will be moving to the malaysian's room tomorrow. she has hired a cleaner to clean the room since she didnt have time to clean it. i dont mind cleaning the room but she had insisted on hiring the cleaner.

i'll be teaching this summer so i hope i dont have to see the same girls repeating again. i hope i get a small class. the classes would also end earlier during summer so i wont have to stay too long at college.

starting next week i have 9 weeks before i depart home to malaysia and bask in the brilliant sun & sea of langkawi island. i dont plan to get a tan but i just need to be somewhere relaxing & chill with my family members & friends. so insyallah my plan work out well.

whatever the summer school brings, i just gotta be ready this weekend. the weather has not been very good lately with dust storms all over the area. its a good idea to stay indoors.

also if my sis nadia has already left for the UK in september, i might go & visit her there during the eid celebrations (raya haji) if not, i'll be home again for 2 weeks, insyallah.

popping poppiah!

2008-06-13T07:37:00.000-07:00

my latest weekend project. vegetable poppiah....

oopps! i did it again! this is my latest weekend project. vege popiah. well not entirely veggie coz i used udang kering. here's the recipe:

Vege Poppy

Ingredients
10-12 pieces poppiah skin (large size)
3 potatoes (cut into long slices like french fries)
1 carrot (shredded)
2 spoonfuls udang kering (dried shrimp - soaked in hot water for 10 minutes & grounded)
1/2 red onion (sliced)
cooking oil for deep frying.

Steps
1. Prepare the potatoes by removing the skin & cutting it into long french fries.
2. fry the potatoes with a little oil (3 spoons) until it is soft. take it out of the frying pan.
3. fill the frying pan with 3 spoons of cooking oil.
4. stir in the onions until soft but not brown. stir in the dried shrimp until it is slightly browned.
5. stir in the carrots & the potatoes until it is throughly mixed.
6. take it out of the pan.

Rolling the popiah
this might get tricky but its always a trial & error with cooking so belasah aje! its difficult to describe in writing but i'll do my best.

put the popiah skin on a flat surface like a clean cutting board. lay it out in front of you to look like a diamond shape instead of a square & scoop a spoonful of the vege onto one corner of the popiah skin. lift the corner closest to you & fold over the filling while rolling it into a longish shape. half way thru the popiah skin fold the other 2 corners on the left & right into the part you have just rolled in. continue to roll the entire way right up to the last corner. using some water, seal the last corner so that the filling wont fall out when u r frying it.

prepare the pan with enough oil to deep fry the poppiahs & make sure the oil is hot enough before u put in the popiah. deep fry the poppiah. take out of pan & serve with teh o or kopi o. dellllliiiissshhh! selamat mencuba!

*this is a disclaimer to inform the readers to attempt this recipe with caution. the author will not be responsible for any problems that may arise as a result of her messy description of the steps involved in rolling the popiah. get some practical advise from others on the popiah rolling skill. the author is also not responsible for the aftermath of serving the popiah. she will not be deemed responsible for the acts of riot that may occur as a result of the popiahs being so tasty & may not be enough to serve more than 3 people. u have been warned.

iftar hil bab....(open the gates.....)

2008-06-06T06:00:00.000-07:00

it happened again! the main gate that was slightly open last time....has now been officially ripped off its hinges! i was on my way to send some stuff to one of the Malaysian seniors when i casually glanced over to the direction of the main gate. i couldn't believe my eyes when i see one of the gates ripped off its hinges and was lying on the street. i told a lady who can speak arabic to tell pak abu. but he was still at the mosque for friday prayers.

one hour later, when i pass by the area again, the other gate has also been subjected to the cruel winds. so now the main gate is completely open for anyone to come in or go out. at the point of my entry of this blog which is about 4 hours later, the gate is still open and pak abu was looking very concerned for our well being. he told us to lock our doors at all times since the repairmen will only come in tomorrow morning. whatever it is, tonight i am staying indoors.

to my best bud naja.....u will get your chance to go to makkah one day insyallah. just make doa for it and niat in your heart.

2008-06-03T23:40:00.000-07:00

trip to bahrain last month (from left: laurel, nazgul, me and nicolia)

this is the long lost pic one of my friends just sent to me this morning. it was during our visit to bahrain last month. the photo was taken at the crowne plaza hotel lobby. no, we didnt stay at the posh hotel but we had lunch & coffee there which was superb....

good things happen to good people...

2008-06-03T00:13:00.000-07:00

just got a fabulous news from one of my best buds! he will be opening his own restaurant soon! masyallah! tabarakallah! good things happen to good people and he is one of those good people who have always helped me when i was in a rut!

this weekend is another trip to khobar (read:shopping trip!) although i am already fed up with the malls in khobar, this week is dedicated to spending time in alissa souq which is an area filled with shops selling cheap stuff! so i'm getting ready to gear up towards finding useful stuff to bring back home since i may have to send it through air cargo.....

80....

2008-06-01T03:15:00.000-07:00

somewhere in jeddah's with its narrow streets and adorable windows

another 80 days to go.....

i just returned from my short visit to jeddah. at first i just wanna visit my aunt but at the last moment i thought why not just perform the umrah since you are already very near to makkah? by the way, the last time i was in jeddah i didnt go to makkah so its only fair for me to do so this time.

i have forgotten that i will be flying in on thursday evening and returning on saturday morning which is very bad time management. i have totally forgotten that the airline we took was a budget airline and they keep on delaying flights all the time! we had some early warning from some people who have experienced the delays but this was too much. so i hated the flight from the beginning!

anyways, we arrived in jeddah and after dinner we immediately went to makkah to perform the umrah around 12am. i was very tired from all the travelling but once i arrived in the masjidil haram, all the aches and tiredness just washed away. there were so many people there unlike our first umrah in february where it was not so crowded. this time there's so many people from outside saudi especially malaysians! while doing the sai'e, it felt like doing sai'e in malaysia since i was surrounded by so many malaysians.....berduyun-duyun! later, i found out from my sister that now is the umrah season especially malaysia.

seeing the kaabah is always magical...i guess the main reason why i came for my second umrah is to see the kaabah again and to be near it. there's such a strong attraction to be near the kaabah and to perform the tawaf around it as you feel your energy start to become stronger with each circle.

i didnt manage to kiss the hajar aswad since there were so many people pushing & shoving to get to it. i just made some doa for everyone near the multazam area. after finishing the sai'e and performing the tahallul (cutting your hair to mark the end of umrah) we left for jeddah around 3.30a.m. since my aunt and her son was really tired and the husband was also looking exhausted from all the waiting at the airport earlier.

the morning was spent with sleeping and eating lunch. and after asar prayers we went to the downtown area to shop for perfumes. i didnt get to shop much because i didnt know what to get anyway and also time constraints. so we had dinner at TGI fridays and left for the airport straightaway. since we were kinda rushing here and there we forgot to pack some zam-zam water to take home! my aunt made me promise to come again next month before she leaves for her summer holidays. i guess i have to come again next time but not on the budget airline.

84.....

2008-05-27T23:58:00.000-07:00

I'm off to Jeddah tomorrow to visit my aunt who is not feeling very well. I guess we all do get under the weather easily lately. It's been scorching hot and dry lately up to 46 degrees celcius and when you go into the buildings its all air conditioning at full blast! Macamanalah tak demam! Insyallah I will perform my umrah again this time at night. And this weekend it seems like there are tonnes of people in Makkah. I will be back by midnight on Friday.

Last night I had a dream of my niece Aina who had suddenly grown so tall almost up to my shoulders. I thought this must be a sign for me to go home soon...another 84 days! Hahahaha...lama lagi.

I made some bubur labu to give to one of the Malaysian seniors who will be leaving soon for good. It was my first attempt and altho she said it was nice, I was still skeptical of my own cooking coz I'm sure it's too sweet and the pumpkin is too soft....Anyway no pix because it was only for 2 people and habis sekelip mata! Next attempt...bubur jagung or pisang.

My students are such darlings towards the end of this semester. Everyday there will always be some chocolates, sweets, dates, mini buns and even a small bowl of salad left on my desk. I told them not to give the staff any gifts because its the policy of the college but they insisted its just food. I just told them to please bring me healthy food only! No chocolates & sweets!

malaysia truly asia....

2008-05-24T23:04:00.000-07:00

my quran recitation teacher um arwa told me yesterday that she watched a tv program about malaysia and its beautiful natural forests and rivers. it was her first time seeing the rivers and she told me "mashaallah, it's so beautiful...like jannah on earth". i was so humbled by her awe of our country's beauty as i never really appreciated the bounty of our nature. the flowing rivers and waterfalls are so beautiful and the trees are so green....yet we are humans who always forget to be thankful to Allah for all that he has given us. like what um arwa said....malaysia is like a slice of heaven that Allah has put on earth for us humans to appreciate its beauty and be humbled by his powers.....

discovery channel

2008-05-23T22:35:00.000-07:00

i saw a glimpse of my own freedom between the slightly opened gate before a wave of panic struck me.....was this gate always open? could it be some intruder have opened the gate?

while i continued my evening walk yesterday after the grissom (gruesome but somewhat related to the character grissom in CSI) discovery....i had another shocking discovery. this time its related to our safety in the ladies compound. the main gate (but we never use the main gate since we always go through a small gate) was slightly opened and i can actually see the cars whizzing along the street. i went nearer and pushed the heavy gate which never budges before evrytime i tried. it opened with ease. i looked at the padlock and it has not been tampered with but i had a strong suspicion that an intruder might have gained access to the compound most probably last night.....

since i can't call our caretaker pak abu coz he is away, i just called his wife to tell her in broken arabic that the big gate is open! she didnt believe me and kept asking me if i left my keys in my room & need someone to open the door! (its difficult to explain things on the phone when u have limited knowledge of a language) i just told her to come & see it for herself.

the lady was shocked & immediately called her husband who coolly told her to lock the gate. when i told her of the possibility of an intruder, she told her 11 year old son to go & check the building for any signs of intruders. anyway, i knew the lady cant do much since her husband is away and there are no other adult males around to check the building.

whatever it is, it was just too many discoveries in one day for me.

drop dead gorgeous...

2008-05-23T22:13:00.000-07:00

the grey pigeon lay silently in the shopping cart with its wings wrapped tightly around its body and its head lowered to its chest almost like a nod accepting its fate....

i saw a grey pigeon, dead in a shopping cart inside the confines of our compound. i was doing my usual 30 minutes walk every evening around the compound when i noticed the cart in the middle of the walkway. inside was the bird, silent and beautiful even in its death. i took it as a sign or omen for something bad that is about to happen.

lately i have stumbled across a number of dead bird around the sidewalk especially on my way to the supermarket or bookstore. they all seem to look like they just dropped out of the sky and died on the spot since i didn't see any signs of ruffled feathers that may indicate a fight before its death or any injury at all. they just...died.

when i told this to my american friend, D, she just nodded her head and told me that its caused by the pollution around the area. we are living in a housing area which is so dangerously close to the industrial city and its horrible thick smoke usually visible at night. sometimes the chimneys of the factories spew out red angry fire which lit up the night's sky dark orange reddish hue. i've seen it and this only encourages me to stay indoors all the time. poor D, she has bad athma attack every morning and sometimes lost her appetite at all.

anyway, i made an oath to myself not to outdoors anymore since its hazardous to do so. now, i have to walk indoors along the corridoors and up the stairs only. maybe its time to get one of those exercise machines.....hmmm.....i dunno. its too expensive here. i still have to do my evening walks to maintain my health & keep the pound sat bay but i don't wanna end up like the little birdy.....dropped dead while trying to look gorgeous.

finishing the marathon

2008-05-20T23:26:00.000-07:00

it's that crunch time again. i am already very close to the finishing line. i can see it in front of me. i can smell the sweet scent of triumph. i am pushing with all my might to reach that final destination....the finishing line.....

yup, i have finished the syllabus at my workplace. now is the time for revisions & preparations for exams. the students are all geared up for the exams....well, some of them....not all. just another 2 weeks left for these kids to study. after that is their exams. i have one last hurdle to get through - marking exam papers and its "khalas" after that.

on another note, i am relieved that this semester is almost finished without much incidents. yesterday while hanging out at my american friend D's house, we compared notes on how the semester seem to fly by. we discovered so many stuff about other people that we never knew. stuff that shock us and make us feel how fortunate we are to be here....so far.

i'm looking forward to do so many things after the exams are over. maybe pop by to bahrain or dubai and take a breather for some time before i start the summer school. i guess life is all about looking forward to things rather than let the horrible stuff let you down.

95...

2008-05-17T02:08:00.000-07:00

yup, another 95 days before i land back in malaysia. i have just discovered that i have not done any financial planning at all. i need to get someone to help me with it. i'm just so totally hopeless at managing financial stuff. yeah, i can keep money in the bank but you need to make the money grow. plan on buying a house when i get back tapi gotta see the market now. whatever it is, i have made so many plans cuma tak tahu mana nak start dulu....decisions, decisions, decisions.....like my sis nabilla keep on telling me, "u just have too many plans but no decision!"

one more thing, here is the pix of my mobile fon for my sis! nak tengok sangat! its one of those sliding fones. on its screen is the pix of the main entrance to masjidil haram in mecca. i bought it coz i've always wanted a samsung fon....so korean! saranghea!!!!

100 days countdown

2008-05-12T22:21:00.000-07:00

today marks the 100 day countdown to the date of my return to malaysia. i cant wait to get home & do the normal stuff i used to do. i may not be able hang out too much but insyallah i will make it a point to spend quality time with my family & friends. hopefully they still recognise me!

kuih-muih tradisi...

2008-05-11T05:15:00.000-07:00

this is the curry puff i made

yup, i miss malaysian food so badly i am willing to make it myself. last friday i had the urge to eat curry puff but i did not know the recipe. so i called up the only expert within reach....my mom. she told me the recipe & it wasnt long before i realise that this is a very easy tea-time snack to make. so, while still feeling the cooking frenzy, i persuaded fiza to make kuih keria (small donut made of keledek+flour). it was a success! brought it over to another malaysian's house for dinner and she loved it. no pictures though!

my next plan is to make either kuih kasui, buah melaka or seri muka. got the recipes form my mom already....tinggal nak buat aje. insyallah during the weekend in between doing nothing and absolutely nothing, i will squeeze in the time to make the traditional malay kuih! if the recipe works, i plan to swap recipes with my student's mom who makes fantastic arabic desserts. talking about kuih reminds me of a joke my bro amar used to tell me....dalam banyak-banyak binatang, binatang apa yang jual kuih? the answer......itik, sebab dia buat bunyi "kue, kue, kue, kue, kue".....( i think the joke works better when it is told verbally)

day to day routine...again.

2008-05-04T22:24:00.000-07:00

picnic with fiza & nazgul (not in pix) at an nakheel beach during the flower festival. it was a lovely evening.

there is nothing much to tell except that my life here has become that normal daily routine that you face without much fervour or excitement in life. yeah, its been pretty mundane lately. my mind has totally been numbed by the fact that i will be going home in august & might as well go through the motions day to day.

one of my buddies back home has stumbled upon my blog. i only have one important message to tell her. ziana if ur reading this....get back to work! you know you're not supposed to be reading blogs especially at work! i marvel at the effectiveness of the machine we call the Internet. it connects people without boundaries and reaches out to the far corners of the earth. it seems my dear friend ziana has located me through the 6 degrees of separation thing. she read the blog of her friend who turned out to be aniq's brother. and from aniq's blog, she located mine! hahahaha...baru nak remain anonymous.

and also aniq, sweet old aniq called me from malaysia last friday. sampai habis kredit ring ring card! hahahaha....call me again next time sweetie. insyallah u will make it here to do ur umrah. just pray to Allah!

this makes me think that life isnt so bad. Allah made it difficult to us and also made it easy for us. i guess without the support of my family & best buds in malaysia, and also faith in Allah, i wouldnt still be here....

an ode to D

2008-04-30T00:53:00.000-07:00

One of our colleague, an American had invited me & the others to her house for dinner. She usually has people come over her place for dinner every Wednesday evening. She lives in one of the family accommodations with her hubby, D. This couple have been together for ages and they even have grandchildren back home in Colorado. D is leaving to return home as he has some stuff to do. So I felt honoured to come to dinner & say goodbye to him coz I have the sinking feeling he is not gonna come back.

I’m really gonna miss D. Maybe not as much as his wife but he has been a really nice man kinda like a father figure to most of us. He’s very helpful especially on our shopping trips to Khobar, carrying our heavy shopping bags….i’m gonna miss that special treatment! What I’m gonna miss the most are his fantastic cakes he makes especially his banana bread (kek pisang). He makes fantastic banana bread…the kind you wanna keep on eating…tak sempat nak mintak resepi.

As a parting gift I gave him one of my favorite book, Paolo Coelho’s ‘The Alchemist’ which is already my third copy that I gave away to people. When I really like someone I will be willing to part with any of my favorite books and D is one of ‘em. I guess a book’s worth is measured by how many people read them. Actually I just wanna infect people with ‘Coelho mania’ as it had infected me some years ago when I heard my best bud Aniq mention his name. I found the ‘illustrated’ copy (kinda like a picture book) of ‘The Alchemist’ in the UM library and from that day on, I’m hooked on his books.

When I went back to my room, I wonder, is it possible that a man as kind and nice as D could embrace Islam? Only Allah knows. So last night before I sleep I pray to Allah to open both D and his wife’s heart to Islam, insyaallah…..

seriously sick

2008-04-29T02:37:00.000-07:00

On Sunday I had a serious case of flu & sore throat that rendered me feeling absolutely useless in my prison cell…I mean my room. I had the sniffles while at work but I just brushed it off as the effects of the changes in the weather & the pollution level. It seems lately the weather is bad with dust storms & temperatures soaring as high as 40 degrees celcius. So I was doomed to get sick. And it didn’t help to get sick in the compound. It makes you feel sicker….

It really made me think about my health. I don’t want to fall sick like this again. Its too damn depressing.

Later I went online to check out my bro’s blog. He had my niece Aina’s pix in it with her left hand bandaged. She just had a surgery on her left hand to correct a nerve or muscle problem. Her parents just discovered that she cant move her thumb and it was advised by the doctors to have an operation. Alhamdulillah she looks alright. I’m sure she is back to her usual self, operation or no operation. I miss that adorable cutie!

I was also online with an old buddy back in the days of doing my masters in UM. He is one of the coolest guys I’ve ever known & a very patient person. Glad to know he is well. He recently had a tremendous loss in his family. I did not have the chance to meet him before I left since I was occupied with work & other lame excuses that we always conjure up whenever we don’t have the time to visit a friend in an unfortunate state. It was rotten of me not to visit him but insyallah after this, I will not repeat the same mistakes again. A muslim have the obligation of visiting another muslim who is sick. No matter who they are. All my prayers are with you Hisham.

self censorship

2008-04-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

this is my tiny cell

last thursday after talking to my mom on the phone, i began to ponder on certain things which i never care to ponder upon before.....self censorship. yeah, since the day i began this blog i couldnt care less about what i said, how i said it, about who or even the language i used. i just "hentam keromo" about whatever i wanna say since it is my bloody blog anyway. but after my mom read some of the entries, she mentioned that i should exercise some self censorship whenever i blog coz u never know who is gonna read it. maybe some spies from the government of the country im working in or even some other people who may accidentally stumble upon this blog.

so i decided to listen to mom's advice (which i dont normally do) and tone down the elements of frustration and anger that i usually vent into this blog and try to replace them with more subtle and proper words to avoid offending anyone. now, this will be difficult to do. no promises though.

also to naja, here is the picture of my room. i keep on forgetting the picture but here it goes.

to mummy alissa...(whoever you are) i'm sorry have no advice for you. you should come here if you are ready to come and you are very sure about your decision. you should ask the questions to the people who hire you.

calling home

2008-04-21T23:39:00.000-07:00

Called my best bud, aniq last night. I can hear her smile over the phone and I can almost see the way her face lights up whenever she is talking to you. She always has this animated features about her but not in the cartoonish way, just bubbly and lively and absolutely fun way. I guess I just missed her too much and I noticed her blog also seems to be getting darker as she vents her frustrations about a number of things that annoy her. Keep up the good work that you have done so far at school, girl! I salute you for having the energy & power to stay in the secondary school system. It sure has its perks especially when you are planning to get settled down. You really rock!

I also called another good friend of mine. We hooked up a couple of years ago but things didn’t work out between the both of us. Me having my own views & ideas while he seems to be really contented with himself and refuse to see things in a different way. Lets just say a feminist & a chauvinist do not make a good pair. But we are good friends now. In his voice I can sense the tinge of happiness that I remembered him halfway across the globe and gave a damn to even pick up the phone to call him. Maybe he didn’t get that much calls…..

Both phone calls really made my day today. Even when I finished my 30 riyals worth of call credits but it was worth it.

Yesterday I managed to talk to my sister nadie for 15 minutes and I kinda missed our sisterly chat. Every time after talking to my family members I keep having self doubts about my choice of coming here. I ask myself what am I doing here & who is gonna take care of me over here since I don’t have my family? I remember um arwa, my quran recitation teacher told me that I am here because Allah invited me here and even though I don’t have my family, I still have Allah who will always be with me wherever I go. I guess faith is the only fuel that keeps the engine of life running.

bahrain trip

2008-04-20T05:06:00.000-07:00

in their website bahrain looks like one of those countries that is so relaxed and modern that you feel like you want to go and visit it. that was how i felt before i went to bahrain. indah khabar dari rupa!

on that fateful morning of 10 april i went to bahrain with another 4 of my colleagues together with an officer from our employer's office to get our work visas done. dont ask me why this is happening, i cant explain it either. rasa macam pendatang haram pun ada....

to make a long story short (i have to leave the office in 10 minutes coz the male cleaners are about to come in to clean) i had to stay in bahrain for 3 freakin days because the employers forgot to send some stuff to the embassy people in bahrain and in saudi, thursday is a weekend! so i had to stay until sunday (coz that's when the offices in bahrain opens for work). right....whatever!

in bahrain i manage to see so many things i did not see in saudi. the women there do not have to wear the abaya (annoying black cloak that covers your clothing from the leering eyes of the men) or even the hijab. only a handful do wear them. when i went to bahrain mall, the taxi drivers ask me if i'm a malaysian. i said yes. how do they know? they told me only malaysian muslim women wear the hijab when they are in bahrain. i guess they must have seen so many malaysians walking around in bahrain.

another thing i noticed in manama (capital city of bahrain) is that there is no culture prevalent in the city. they are so absorbed in the thinking that bahrain is like the playground for the saudis and tourism are their main attractions. also i noted that there are just so many saudi men in bahrain as they can have their booze & prostitutes & 24/7 entertainment from this tiny city. it is amazing how the saudi men sanggup cross the border to get some booty action. ingatkan alimlah sangat orang arab ni. rupanya tipah tertipu!

things are so expensive in bahrain since its attracting tourists to shop there but the food is very nice, if u know where to look for cheap food. there are also so many nationalities working there especially the people from india. bersepah kat mana2. they are like the chinese people in malaysia. pandai buat bisnes. which is good, since the arabs are so lazy!

i gotta leave but i will continue this blog tonote insyallah if i get internet connection!

back to reality!

2008-04-18T06:53:00.000-07:00

today is the last day of spring break. i just finished talking to my mom on the phone. my skype is not working and is always disconnecting and i still have some amount left to talk to someone in malaysia for 30 minutes. stupid skype!

managed to clean the room & had some salad today. going green today. had some work to do given by my sis nadie & another cousin but was too lazy to even look at it. besok ajelah....

read some people's blogs & discovered that my fren BJ & my sis really missed me. gee, i thought people were relieved when i'm not around! also read emails coming in to my yahoo email add. its been a while & the messages are piling up. learnt that another fren of mine also misses me so much he was sending me photos of our last meet at the airport. awww.....missed u too.

anyway, tomorrow i will give more updates on my trip to bahrain (which could have been avoided since my employer is not going to reimburse my hotel stay!) and my visit to jeddah to see aunt zana. nuthin' much to report anyway since i didnt plan to stay in bahrain & jeddah was too hot (i was sweating in places i never knew i could sweat!). didnt get to go to mecca as it was a crowded holiday season and i couldnt go alone without any chaperone since i am alone without my mahram (male family member)....insyallah another time.

i'm going for a quick jog around the compound if the weather permits. it looks like another sandstorm is coming any minute. better get a move on now.

spring break

2008-04-09T02:35:00.000-07:00

its the last day of work before we go off for our spring break. its just a one week holiday but we all deserve this much needed holiday. we have been so busy with work this couple of month that we all just think of going on a holiday. its not so bad. just hectic.

it rained this morning. sebenarnya it rained since last night. i woke up around 2.30 am when i heard the noisy wind howling like a rabid dog. so i peeped out of the window & saw the trees bending in the wind. i noticed the sky has a red hue to it. there was an eerie red & orange glow to it. takutlah kejap......tapi lepas tuh terus pengsan tido balik.....the wind continue to howl & my TV was blaring quranic verses until i woke up this morning....

tomorrow i will be going to bahrain to do my work visa. i have been working here for 3 months and have been bugging these people for my work visa almost everyday.

so, i am looking forward for tomorrow's trip. insyallah it will be a day trip.

then, on monday i will be in jeddah to visit my aunt zana. insyallah kalau sempat i will be going to makkah to do the umrah again, insyallah...but it will be a day trip lah. for the mean time, after i come back from bahrain, if there is internet connection at my compound, i will update this blog. kalau tak, tunggu ajelah.......

um arwa

2008-04-05T23:12:00.000-07:00

there is nothing much to say or do recently. i also do not want to comment too much today. Just feeling kinda drowsy since last night i slept really late. i couldnt sleep at all. maybe it was all that qahwa i took at um arwa's house earlier. i went for quran recitation classes last night. as usual my quran taecher um arwa is such a gracious host. always making sure we are well fed every time we come. we had a nice tea everytime for classes with cakes, biscuits, pastry & arabic sweets & chocolates.....she insisted that next class we must stay for dinner! and dinner is at 10pm! oh no! we surely cant escape this time.

the quran recitation classes went well, alhamdulillah....um arwa was very patient with the 3 of us. i keep making the same mistakes again & again but she encourages us to recite the quran with the tafsir as well. i guess i managed to memorise some short surah based on my understanding of the surah & how it can be useful for us. back home i never bothered to find out the meanings of the surahs nor do i recite them very much. but since being here i thought that i might as well learn the quran properly & not to waste my time with just shopping or watching TV.

she also invited us to go to her niece's wedding & her daughter's wedding next month. we had to decline since all of us have already made plans to go someplace else. i will be going to bahrain & jeddah next week. the other 2 malaysians will be going to turkey for holidays. we had to decline her invitation with a heavy heart.....

may Allah bless um arwa & her family!

2008-04-05T02:32:00.000-07:00

last night i went to the brand spankin new bookstore near my place called jarir bookstore. i spent only an hour there since they were about to close for prayers. i had also decided to don the niqab (piece of cloth that covers the face except the eyes). had fun wearing it. i can see people's face but they cant see mine. its kinda like walking around in an armoured truck. some people didnt even recognise me behind the veil. its surely didnt flatter your features but it sure brings out your eyes if you make up properly.....

there's no news like bad news....

2008-04-02T01:24:00.000-07:00

i got a bad news this morning. i might have to stay for summer school & my holidays will only begin in august! this is like torture to me! i am surprised with the decision but then again, these people memang suka tukar2 tarikh sesedap rasa. i may be the only malaysian yg kena tinggal kat sini. bosan betul! whatever it is, i am just hoping that they will change their mind again! like that is gonna happen! kadang2 rasa macam nak ketawa & menangis pada masa yang sama! hahahahauhuhuhuwaaaaaaa....

ladies nite....

2008-04-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

ladies nite in saudi has a very literal meaning. it really means a night reserved exclusively for the ladies. no men are allowed. if its in kuala lumpur, it would have been a night where women go out in their groups and hit the nightclubs, sometimes hit on men. it can be very dull sometimes to go out on these kinds of occasions with ur female buddies as one can also feel like there is nothing much to do. sometimes repeating the same things every weekend, visiting the same spot, seeing the same people over & over again. its not the people that you are with that bores you (how can my friends be boring people? they're super cool!..... luv ya aniq, jules & naja)....its the activity or the lack of it that kills your mood.

well, in saudi the ladies enjoy the company of each other, sometimes with their children or even colleagues. i attended a gulf night celebration where they showcase the customs and traditions of the saudi people from different regions. there was a bridal celebration, henna night and singing and dancing! and we thought its haram!!!!! hehehehe. as i discovered, some people shun this kind of activities that involve music & dancing. the alim ones....like my quran recitation teacher would not like it if i had told her i went to this kinds of events......

looking forward to tomorrow as there will be another all ladies event at one of the charity & da'wah organisations here. it means more food, shopping & dancing......

sleepless in saudi

2008-03-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

thanks nadie for reading my blog daily. aren't u supposed to be busy doing stuff at the office? and my sis nabilla, aren't u supposed to be doing some revision for the exams? come on people! do your work! hehehehe.

last nite my best bud, BJ called me all the way from malaysia! she must've missed me that bad! hahahahaha.....me too. we chatted for almost 15 minutes & there were some stuff that i could not disclose to her (self-censorship) because i was in a room full of people. if i leave the place, i will not get a good reception on the mobile phone. so, tak boleh cakap banyak pun. btw, boleh tahan jugak kepoci minah sorang ni....ish...ish...ish....sanggup call dari malaysia ni nak tanya lebih lanjut pasal insiden yg ditulis dlm blog ni....hehehehehe......sampai habis kredit ring ring card talking to me.....i know ur no kepoci BJ, ur just over imagiantive....hehehehe...luv u for that!

here are some photos of flowers i bought during the flower festival which happens every year during spring (just 10 days! and then its hot scorching summer!) had a nice picnic with a bunch of friends & had dinner at an ex-lecturer of the college who happens to be a malaysian married to a saudi. not just any saudi, a bin laden saudi! memang kena attend! i found out they were just normal happy people who would rather not be associated with the "notorious cousin" who is in hiding God knows where....maybe he is in malaysia? hehehehe. who knows?

since today is already saturday....a working day for me in saudi, i dont really feel the monday blues too much. maybe cause its saturday and its not called monday, i dont feel the laziness of going to work. lagipun, kalau tak gi keje, nak buat apa pun....bukannya leh gi jalan2 tengok wayang or shopping. kedai pun bukak pukul 4 ptg! tengok tv pun cakap arab jer.....hahahaha.....padan muka aku, kenalah pergi keje.......

i also had some trouble sleeping of late. i dont really sleep or nap in the afternoon when i was in malaysia. i dont make a habit out of it. if i feel tired or sleepy, i take a 15 minutes nap & wake up after that. i guess my body clock is so used to it that even here i cant fall asleep in the afternoon. even when i am really sleepy, i doze off for a while then terus terjaga! its kinda frustrating coz even when i sleep at night, i have to be really sleepy in order to fall asleep. if not, i will still be wide awake around 11pm. i noticed too that whenever i am tired, i will have very vivid dreams of seeing my family members and feel the longing of seeing them again......i sometimes wake up in the middle of the night crying......i guess that's another reason why i dont really sleep much lately......

anyway, i appreciate the support of my family & friends especially BJ, aniq & naja. they all give me the courage & reason to continue being here. thanks everyone......

chilli overdose

2008-03-22T22:39:00.000-07:00

today i had a mild series of diarrhoea (did i spell that correctly?). It all started when i followed my Malaysian comrades to a chinese restaurant overlooking the seaside. good food but not fantastic lah. we were there to celebrate one of the malaysian's birthday. if you have read my blogs earlier, you will notice that i do go to restaurants quite often. you may ask why and my simple explanation is because there is absolutely nothing to do here and if i stay in the compound i will feel miserably bored! that's why i make it a point to get out....maybe i wont be as bored as i am now when i get the cable tv. itupun kalau diorang bagi kebenaran lah....

anyway, at the restaurant yesterday we ate lots of chilli coz the chilli was really spicy! we even packed some to bring home. hahahaha....crazy malaysians...i remember a colleague called us "mal-asians" sebab selalu sangat buat lawak dan macam2 perangai gila....

it is common knowledge that if you ate too much chilli u mesti sakit perut. which happened to me today. while typing this i am experiencing a mild series of cramps in the stomach area which causes me to pause occasionally . setakat ni taklah teruk sangat tapi dah 3 kali gi toilet...hehehehehe. my sister nabilla would be cringing in her seat as i have divulged too much details!

the main point for today is not to do things in excess especially when u eat chilli at a chinese restaurant! you will regret it later....

if u r reading this jules, now i know why u dont too much chili....

a trip to pattaya....and some hurt feelings

2008-03-19T00:14:00.000-07:00

last night i went out to dinner with a bunch of colleagues to a thai restaurant called 'pattaya'. the food was good. it was not the authentic thai cuisine but it really reminded me of home. i had green chicken curry and sweet & sour prawns. lupa nak order tom yam. then the other 5 ordered 2 dishes each then we shared the food among us. although the bill came up to almost 500 riyals, we all enjoyed the food & each other's company......that was all until ada sorang terlepas cakap. aku tahu dia tak bermaksud nak singgung perasaan orang tapi kata2 dia cukup pedas sampai orang amerika yg sama dgn kitorang terus terdiam. aku siku lah pompuan tuh. dia kata "sori, lawak aje". terlajak perahu boleh undur beb, terlajak kata..... pastuh minah salleh tu siap cakap "bunyi cam bukan buat lawak! tak kelakar pun!" yang jelas malam tu lepas ketawa, ada yg sedih pulak. aku sedar pompuan tuh terlepas cakap sebab sejak kebelakangan ni dia selalu sangat terlepas cakap. macam sengaja sakitkan hati orang aje. tapi aku rasa dia ada masalah dalaman....jiwa kacau kot.....if ur reading this aniq, kita sama2 kenal org ni....senior kita...

i pity her actually. i dont know how to tell her. takut bagitau...benda lain jadi kat relationship kitorang. apa2 pun, baik aku tutup mulut aje. buat hal sendiri. this place can really change you if you are not strong inside......

malaysian family friends....

2008-03-14T22:19:00.000-07:00

there is an international market near my place. the name international suggets the variety of products that may come from the entire world but hey, this is saudi....it does not necessarily mean the same thing. as i discovered, with another malaysian, the market actually consist of a mish mash of shops ranging from cheap stuff(10 riyal shop) to high end home decor stuff. i went into a nice small shop selling branded clothing items and managed to scour through the items and found a nice zara skirt & mng t-shirt.

both of us shopped for a while until our malaysian family (we hitched a ride with them since they invited us to join them to the market....save 25 riyal!) invited us to another malaysian family's house. what can we say? i was kinda unsure about all this but went ahead with it.

in saudi, women & men are always separated in any event that they have. be it weddings or dinner or even baby showers. i was getting so used to being in an all women's event that i felt really awkward being in a mixed event. not to say its wrong or something but both me & my collleague kept pretty quiet in the presence of the two men. they are nice people but i just dunno what to say to them. the wife is a nice lady who keeps on complaining of her boredom about the restricted freedom we women seem to have here in the kingdom. she seems genuinely frustrated with the living conditions here and keep on babbling away about how wonderful her life was back in malaysia. i pity her since she is not working now and have to take care of her 3 hyperactive kids. i guess that is the sacrifice you have to make once you make up your mind to follow your husband to a foreign land.

when she asked me the same question....don't you feel bored and lonely here? i just told her yes. but after a while boredom & loneliness seems like two very best friends who follow you around wherever you go. and when you are no longer lonely or bored, you tend to miss them......hahahaha.....i think that made her shut up after that!

open day at college

2008-03-10T00:22:00.000-07:00

today we had an open day at the college. first half of the day was classes and later they had some activities lined out for us teachers and students. some people from the dakwah centre came & had some games with them. we also had nice food and qahwa (arabic coffee) and arabic desserts served to us. all in all i enjoyed the entire afternoon & it was a nice day. i didn't enjoy the morning though...

i discovered there were some people in the office that cannot be trusted. ada yang kaki bodek boss & suka tikam belakang. pagi tadi gak aku dah mangamuk kat boss sebab dia gi hantar email tegur sumthing that i did. i told her aku tau siapa bagi tau dia pasal perkara tuh dan lepas ni aku nak cili mulut dia sebab kaki report. betul2 aku marah pagi tadi pasal si kaki report tuh. minah tu pulak tak berani tunjuk muka depan aku pas tuh. dia tahu dia salah tapi muka memang selamba. tapi pastuh aku cakap sori kat bos sebab aku mangamuk pagi tadi. aku cakap aku tak suka orang buat cam tuh sbb aku bukan buat benda salah atau benda yg memalukan. jadi aku pesan kat bos, berhati-hati dgn apa yg dia dengar orang lain report. sebab tak semuanya betul. and by the way, aku kan diva! mastilah pandai berlakon.....hehehehe.

penang bridge is falling down....

2008-03-09T01:58:00.000-08:00

the tribe has spoken! the grand finale of all grand finale in the history of reality shows in malaysia has shown the power of the people to make changes. tiada lagi rakyat malaysia diperlekehkan oleh "pihak tertentu" & there is no more annoying reports of the oppressed minority taking to the streets demanding a fair election and more rights. i am proud to see malaysians making this change. yet, i am plagued by an eerie chill of the aftermath of the elections. there are definitely a lot of changes that will happen in the cabinet and also within the government's policy. will the malays have the same rights? will there be any changes to the toll rates and also the price of petrol? will altantuya's murderer finally be punished? will there be more scandalous materials popping out of nowhere and shed the light on the notorious acts of ministers?

i do not know the answers. what i do know is the winds of change has swept the nation and the presence of the opposition is finally felt throughout the country.....even to saudi arabia!

today in history .....and i'm not in it!

2008-03-08T00:03:00.000-08:00

i am re-writing this again since the first entry i had finished earlier is suddenly gone from the screen! anyways, i just wanna say that i am proud to be a malaysian, the general elections will shape the future of the nation and its people and also hopefully we will all gain something out of it. if not, i'm gonna stay here!

beauty therapy

2008-03-05T03:00:00.000-08:00

yesterday after work i followed a bunch of colleagues to a beauty salon somewhere in the remote areas of al-farook (a residential area with large mansions). i told them that i wanted to get a hair trim since my hair is long and unmanageable. they insisted that i follow them to this salon since they are going there for some hair treatment & facials. so i said ok & joined them. the ladies told me not to have big expectations of the salon. back home i used to go to only 1 hair salon in klang and i have my hairdresser on speed dial! just kidding! basically i only go to one salon since they already know my hair type and the price is not as exorbitant as in kajang! (yeah, a trained hair stylist will charge you an arm and a leg!)

the stylist is actually a filipino lady who is very skilled at haircut and she trimmed my hair very well. i also had a hot oil treatment for my hair which is marvellous!!! i just did not like they way she washed my hair as she was splashing about too much. but all in all, it really washed away all my stress for the day. i really felt relieved. after the treatment we all went to a nice restaurant just to have some chit chat & dinner. the restaurant is the same concept of "chilli's" in kl, minus the alcoholic bar & female waitresses. it was a nice dinner which ended with a fantastic dessert! the dessert is just too calorific! walnut brownie, topped with vanilla ice cream drizzled with white chocolate sauce & walnuts served on a hot plate so that the sauce really sizzles! a perfect contrast of hot & cold! delish!

after the dinner i confessed to them of my depression i felt the day earlier. surprisingly they admitted to feeling the same way but they do not want to discuss the matter since it is a private issue. i was so relieved to know that others felt the same way too. so i'm not getting crazy at all!

2008-03-04T02:26:00.000-08:00

i am starting to feel the toll of boredom and loneliness at my room. sejak kena kurung cam dalam penjara kat negara ni, macam-macam perasaan baru yang timbul. semalam tak dapat nak tido sampai kul 12. biasanya kul 10.30 atau 11 da lelap. then, i watched some tv which is usually in arabic and play guessing game (guess what the actors are saying) it is usually fun but its not gonna help you fall asleep. i start to read a book and began to yawn but sleep still evaded me. i have never felt so tired yet unable to sleep. this is something new to me. i keep on telling myself that this is just a temporary affliction, nothing serious. this has been going on for 2 weeks and i want to get enough sleep so i wont feel so sleepy everyday.

yesterday while watching news on al jazeera, there was a segment called 101 east. it was presenting a report on the malaysian election. they interviewed our deputy prime minister najib and i have to say he really looked like a fool when he was fielded with questions from the journalist about allegations regarding the general elections. his answers were vague, he was constantly denying everything, accusing the opposition on having their own agenda & just looking really ignorant in his interview.

i cant help but wonder where do these politicians come from? don't they get enough PR training? don't they have political advisors to help them?

makkah pix....finally

2008-03-02T23:05:00.000-08:00

this is the first shot i took using my camera phone once i stepped into masjidil haram...beautiful sight to behold. not many people in the afternoon.

this is in the evening, after i have finished the umrah. i'm not supposed to take this pix since this is not a tourist spot. what the heck, bila nak ada gambar kenangan lagi?

at night, on the second floor of the masjidil haram. so many people since its cooler to do the tawaf at night.

ni dia gambar masa kat mekah. the pictures were delayed as we were so busy doing other stuff at work sampai lupa. kat sini cuma letak sikit. lagi gambar ada kat flickr site. just click on the link on the right that says "my pix". yang sedihnya, masa my senior send this gambar to me through email, ada "pihak tertentu" telah berbaik hati meng censorkan gambar yang nampak muka warga tempatan diorang. iyelah...takde kebenaran nak ambik gambar muka warga tempatan diorang kan...whateverlah....muka pompuan diorang pun bertutup. bukannya nampak muka. i dont understand why they dont allow this but i will respect it if its their culture...sebab tu takde banyak gambar masa gi umrah....

reminder to readers: if the pictures do not load properly or suddenly dah hilang, maknanya da kena censored....hehehehe....kesian.

malaysian reality show....

2008-03-01T20:43:00.000-08:00

my beloved country malaysia is about to have its parliamentary elections on 8the march 2008. since i am in saudi, i am unable to make it to the polling stations to cast my votes. i am a little pissed with this since my vote doesn't count. its like someone put a gag on your mouth to tell you to shut up & they don't want to hear your voice...

malaysians love entertainment. actually they love being entertained. look at the weekly shows on tv or even concerts that is held almost every weekend either from local artist or international artist. malaysians just love being entertained! especially the malays. i guess it came from the tradition of bangsawan shows or wayang kulit or some other culture stuff that the malays seems to be mesmerised by the entertainers and even adore them to the point of obsession (note: siti nurhaliza is still the darling of the press & mawi AF is still being stalked around by the paparazzi). but this is incomparable to the reality tv phenomena of akademi fantasia, malaysian idol and one in a million. instead of just entertainment in the form of a singing contest, it has managed to incorporate some form of politics in it by asking people to vote! and the audience loved it! they know they have the power to keep the favourites in and the power to kick out someone they dislike. who cares about talent! anyone can be a recording artist these days....hmmm...where am i now? oh yes, how is this reality show thing related to the political situation in malaysia?

like i said, who needs talent these days? manipulation is the key word of the day. manipulate your votes. anyway, the politicians in malaysia are no better off. some ministers are just too corrupt, too old or just plain ignorant to even care about what is happening to the rakyat who is damn well suffering right now...so, what are you waiting for? vote to make a change!

one of my closest friends in malaysia is kinda lucky that she will have the liberty to cast her votes. i have read in other blogs of the things that make malaysia great (the increasing price of things, the racial unrest, unfavourable report of flailing support from the people etc.) and how it has affected the malaysians. my best friend's blog seem to be reflecting on the same things. i guess many malaysians nowadays are beginning to see the current trend of what is happening in malaysia. it's like watching a reality show on tv and waiting with abated breath to see who will be voted out of the show this week.

denied my rights?

2008-02-27T01:19:00.000-08:00

2 days ago, i sent an email to the malaysian consulate office asking how can i cast my votes as a malaysian since it is nearing election time. i was not sure how malaysians outside of the country do this but i was told that we have the rights to vote as well but through 'undi pos'. so i sent an email requesting the procedures of undi pos and stuff. today i receive a reply from the consulate in jeddah, saying that only government servants & their spouse, full time students and their spouse are allowed to vote when outside the country through the consulate office. malaysians working outside should return home to their own locality and cast their votes! that has got to be the silliest rule! aaarrrrggghhh!

this means its the second time i am unable to vote during the PRU! how frustrating. the first time was in 2004. when i was still working at school, i had to be on duty for one of the voting centres. it was an eye opening experience for me as i finally understand how the PRU works and what is meant by democracy "malaysian style"!

anyway, i can only pray to Allah to give victory to the deserving people and not party. i dont really like to talk about politics or even think about them but i do hope the people we will choose are the ones who are capable of doing something about out economy and living conditions. maybe someone who is sensible enough to end the sufferings of malaysians and his job number one is to abolish all the tolls on the road! hahahahaha (evil laugh!)

education in the eyes of a palestinian

2008-02-24T02:14:00.000-08:00

last night i watched a documentary on al jazeera's english channel. it was about how the palestinian kids go to school everyday. i have always wondered how they do that. my ignorance forced me to think that they do not go to school at all since they are in constant turmoil. but last nights' report opened my eyes. even during heavy political turmoil & constant bombings of the israelis, the palestinians still continue to go on with their lives. they walk to school among the collapsed building rubbles. the children play a dangerous game of running and dodging bullets everytime they go and return from school. the classes were overcrowded with students as many as 50 students in one classroom where the desks and chairs are not enough.

how do you tell a girl to stop crying because she is scared whenever she hears a bomb explode somewhere, she knows its in the direction of her house where her mom is staying alone after the death of the father at the hands of the israel militia?

how do you ask a child "why were you absent yesterday? you missed your exams" when she had to go and visit her brother in an israeli jail for a crime he did not commit and that was the only day the jail is open to visitors.

how do you ask a boy in class "where is the boy sitting next to you yesterday?" when the previous evening there was a bomb raid near the settlement of the palestinians and several people were killed in the incident.

how do you ask a child "why do you go to school?" when she looks at you with tears in her eyes and said "this is my only hope for the future...."

it makes me wonder about the malaysian education system. why do the kids go to school? why do the parents spend so much money to buy books and uniform? why do parents emphasise the importance of getting good grades?

the answer i guess is how much one values education and whether it is worth dodging the bullets or spending thousands of RM......

thank you Allah for my good health

2008-02-24T00:03:00.000-08:00

i have passed the medical examination at the hospital. this is great news to me since i have been worried sick about the results since i had to do 3 x-rays, 2 blood tests, 2 urine tests, 3 spit test (yeah, i need to spit in a small plastic bottle for 3 days) and not to mention the long waiting hours at the hospital!

it all started when i went for the routine medical check up that you have to take once you are employed in a certain organisation (government or private company). it was done in a small district clinic but after 2 weeks the doctor referred me to the general hospital for another set of medical test. i had to wait another 2 weeks for the results and throughout the weeks i was kinda freaking out. am i sick? did they detect something abnormal in my lungs? are there things happening inside my body that i did not detect? this is just too much for me.....

after more than a month of agonising about this unknown condition, today was my final straw. i told myself not to worry too much if the results came out to show some illness. i should be grateful that i finally know what is happening to me and i should find ways to treat the problem. i have to admit i was pretty nervous going into the doctor's room, i felt like throwing up!

luckily, i didnt throw up and the doctor was happy to announce i was ok. i only had some low blood pressure but he told me to eat properly and get enough rest. i'm relieved that i have taken care of my health while i was in malaysia and controlled my food intake up to this moment. if i had not done it, i might end up with more health problems than just low blood pressure. i'm thankful to Allah for that....Alhamdulillah....